An Orange Cloud

Trail Of Thought -49 Disassociating has been a problem for me since a few years and it got really intense in the last few months. “Dissociation is when you feel disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of who you are. It's a common response to stress or trauma and can affect anyone.” It’s the concept of feeling out of body and not feeling things in first person perspective.   For me there is this constant narrating deity in my mind that watches me from a third person view which is also visualised in my brains. Right now, I am looking at the screen but I can also visualise a view from the top corner of my room watching myself type letters into a laptop. And sometimes, I can imagine people watching me from the said view and commenting on it like one of those Korean shows.   I have already talked about this deity in a previous post, it’s hilarious if you want to help yourself. But this post is a bit different.   I’m using the word ...

 Sorry, there is no post this time.

  I was going through my old poems and one thing caught my eye. I write a poem on every crush i've ever had since I started poetry. Sto-rini-31   Trail of Thoughts- 48 Hear me out, its just as much cringe it is to you as it is to me if not more. The fact that I would leave such apparent, obvious clues distributed evenly from beginning to end and I remember who it was about immediately, does not make me happy or proud. Well, not immediately. I would be reading a poem, clearly a poem about being heart-broken for being rejected by a love I have grown over the years with such passion unknown to the mankind and I’d leave a tiny obvious real life line and suddenly it hits me that it was about a 2 week crush on a celebrity who cameo’d in a show I was watching at the time. The heartbreak? Well, it was that he wouldn’t become a permanent cast member.   It doesn’t stop there. Back in school I had plenty of crushes, alas I was, just a teenage girl. I would read a poem ab...

  This is what I see pop at the corner of the screen when I searched for poem prompts on google. Trail Of Thoughts- 47   Nothing pisses me off more than ai trying to be creative or ‘aid’ in the creative process. When they said ai is the new future, it will be amazing for everyone, one corner of the internet convinced me it will be used for all the menial work we do in our daily lives- like dishwashing, laundry, cleaning, and more humanly dangerous jobs like mining, oil rigging, diving in deep ocean to fix submarines, solar installation etc, you get the point. Ai was brought to us as a promise to a convenient technological development. At least that’s what I was expecting.   Ai can now write you poems, stories, generate any image from a simple descriptive input. All the creative stuff that makes humans, humans can be done with a single click of prompt. And now, don’t come at me saying it takes creativity to write the prompt. What? Seriously? Look at yourself, lis...

  Trail Of Thoughts-46 Sto-rini-30 “Aren’t you bored?” my friend asked me. “Of what?” I asked curiously. They repeated, “of your life. I mean of the way you live. You go to college, study for 10-12 hours, and come back home, freshen up, watch TV for a while and go back to studying. Aren’t you bored?”   First of all, ouch.   When they said that, I thought of so many things, I got defensive. They immediately added, “don’t tell me now, tell me later after thinking about it.” They said calmly, as if they knew that I had a multi-universe moment just then. I thought about it, and then I didn’t because I had to study. The irony.   Being bored.   When they said that, the fact that they thought of it so much that they had to ask me, scared me. People around me can see me and probably think the same.   As for me, I love studying; I love the whole system of studying, teaching, exams. Call me a nerd. No buts. To make someone like me hate studying wo...

  Hello everyone, this is an poet's note on the poem from the last post in my blog. Trail of thoughts-45 The poems name is “a sad man’s love”. It is, like the title suggests, about a sad man’s love. I wrote this poem with inspiration from a friend’s 2am confession. I’ve adapted to it; any coincidence is purely coincidental. I think its in the top 3 favourite poems of all time, all-time favourite is “You’re my autumn”. Nothing can ever beat that. Anyways, this post is a deeper dive into the poem and an analysis on the metaphors I’ve used throughout the tragic poem. Welcome to poet’s note on sad man’s love.   My favourite line in the whole poem is actually not from the poem itself. It’s the after note that I wrote. This was a tiny detail that I didn’t expect many to notice, therefore I’m putting it out here. The main character will always feel small before his love interest, and the love itself. this is a sign of putting the person on a pedestal, higher than the gr...

  “There’s some life in me in the form of love for Her.” The day I stop, The life ceases to exist, While I stay alive. With void for a heart.   “Maybe I don’t deserve Her.” Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. The life in me, Was dead all along.   “It’s complete darkness.” There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, But im all curled up, With my head in my hands.   “I love Her” It’s a matter of time, or not. “She doesn’t love me”, At least not the way wish.   “My absence may not affect Her on a great level” Her presence makes the light warmer, The tunnel more lighter.   “With or without me” She can be.   But for me, the tunnel closes behind her, It is getting colder, Darker, And worthless.   “i don’t want to trouble Her” i only wish for Her happiness. There’s enough for me, In the laughs of Her with me.   Or without me.   Does it really matter?   Does my l...

    Act II A bit of joy   One thing kru knows apart from soothing her always raged twin sister is that she is the eldest and the mother of the group. When she practically dragged Sohan to accompany her, she did so to purchase something to eat. It was evident she didn’t love Shourya like a loyal friend in the beginning, but as time went by she started having feelings for him. It was bittersweet. One minute she hates his guts and one minute she loves his dreamy smile and bouncy silky hair. Of course, she never told anyone about it because that would be very wrong. She thought he was handsome from the moment Shalini so proudly showed him off on her birthday night. The day the boyfriend was introduced to the group was her most memorable day. More memorable than the time she won championship for quiz. She was smart but a fool in love. But she was smart. She made sure no one had a clue. In fact she was the one who proposed they invite him to the trip but so cleverly del...

Act I The mistake    “We FINALLY made it out of the group chat guys!!!” exclaims Sohan in pure joy. The trip was in the planning stage for years and it’s finally time for them to implement it. The group of six, three boys and three girls in their 20s have been friends since forever. All the families grew together except for Shourya, Shalini’s boyfriend, who was introduced to the pack few years back. Shalini wanted to wait another year before introducing him but the situation wasn’t very advantageous to her. You see, he called her at midnight on her birthday, with everyone around her. It was not a smooth night. While her parents were convinced it was just a friend, the four friends were very suspicious. Knowing she can’t get away with it with white lies, she decided to whip put a power point presentation introducing the boyfriend. Shalini decided to carefully select and highlight his good characteristics while foreshadowing his worse ones. The twins, Kruthika and Karthika gave ...