An Orange Cloud

February, 2023     I’m drowning in my pills The water is my tears   I’m swimming in the red pool I regret cutting like a fool   2019 was a nightmare I wish I could forget that   I still remember that phase When I wished I didn’t exist   2020 was nothing better I thought I’d cope up but was hopeless   I was deeper in the well I was only sinking deeper   The red got redder My eyes wetter The place darker My sky clouded   I prayed to even see a flower In the garden of my graveyard   I watered with my tears I waited for it to sprout   Little did I know That the king gave me a dummy   It used to be bad But it only got worse ‘Time heals’ they say But the same time kills Even the sun rays   When I least expected it Everything went down the hill It’s like they’re planning for my doomsday But I am not even away           The last line, "But I am not even away," is open to interpretation

Trembling hands holding a pen Trying to answer a question   I see the first question My mind goes blank With white face and black pen Flashbacks about every time I slacked   I remember nothing It’s like I have been re-programmed No formulae, no concept No idea why im here   I try to wake up from the paralysis Clicking sounds, it’s been fifteen minutes I try to collect myself For I feel fragmented   I turn the pages in frantic In the unknown I want to find it Find something familiar Something I can do without fear   Blurred vision Perspiration Too hot for a jacket Too cold without one   I look around in anxiety Doing the sums like its nothing Using their brain as a calculator Writing the exam they prepared for   Wait prepared for? I look at the heading in bold “JEE Advance” But I study commerce!

  If every time we kiss, we forget I’d kiss you a million times Because then, I can fall in love with you a million times.   Maybe a million and one. But it’d be sad, To take something romantic And turn it into an end.   A kiss to forget is a curse, Or a blessing in disguise.   To kiss you would mean the world to me But after, you’re just another human being.   All the efforts you’d take So I’d fall in love with you Would all be worth, Once I become your world. (Again)   A kiss to forget Is definitely not an end. Because we will learn to love In many other ways.   A kiss to forget, But not an end. I would magically remember Everything one day.   And that day, darling Is when everything falls together.   It is when I fall for you All over again, one last time.   And that is the million And first time.   But you, my love, Have been in love With me, for your whole life All the million times. (And one t