An Orange Cloud

the warmth of sun and the cools of the moon   26-9-24   I’ve always hated the sun It was so bright And it’s the only one In the blue sky   I’ve always liked the moon Cuz it was cool And accompanied by The stars in the sky   I hated the sun I cant even look at it without burning my eyes I cant even walk outside without worrying about my skin I cant even reach it if I tried and be alive   I loved the moon I can see tiny craters on it with my naked eye I can love al the shapes day by day I can lean on it for moonlight   22-7-26   But the question remains, Till this day What do the sun and the moon Think of me, their human on the land   Does the sun summon the clouds when it shines too bright Or does the moon diets to see which phase its loved the most   What do the divorced sun and moon Think of the small human In the tiny land of home   Child of divorce, I call myself ...

  Reluctant (to) misery   Why shy away from something so natural? Why hate life and its byproducts?   Why always look for the bright side but hide away when the sun shines?   Why wish for light when it’s the dark that makes the contrast?   Why hate the heat when you wished for the light?   Why prejudice against the rain, when it blooms the flowers?   Why hide under the umbrella when rainbows are just above you?     Why hate the blue when it brings you the morning?   Why stay indifferent when there’s love to give?     The sunshine and rainbows, aren’t made in a day The storms and the thunders, don’t last all day   Embrace the cold breeze, For one summer day you’ll wish for it   Enjoy the dark night, For you get to see the stars paint   Love the moonshine It’s showering you with stolen light   Cling to the trees and shade For soon th...

  Eternity together, or leave when you can You become dust that makes the earth You become a memory in everyone’s head You become an ink in a dairy by my bed   Eternity together, and leave when you can We chase the butterflies in the green grass We drink lemonade by the sunset in France We watch movies till late at night   Eternity together, but leave when you can I search for reasons to keep you here I find issues to argue about in this sphere I act like we are not yet completely happy and content together   when does your life become more than the love you give, when do we feel content about what we become, when does our responsibility to others end, when can we leave the eternity and still make them happy?   A never-ending ever after and I leave when I want to The dust I become spells your name at the beach, My happiness will always have your touch in it, My second death will keep out till people stop loving. ...

 this is a poem i wrote while talking with a friend, as one does, and this is my interpretation on their experience of wanting something so bad that they romanticised it being bad. sit back and read a tragedy unfold. only a tragedy if you suffer from sever fomo. for others, its a normal tuesday.  I wanted it so bad, I’ve romanticised all its bad.   I dreamt of our first big fight Considered sulking for a while. I day dreamt our differences in values, About politics and shows to watch.   All the minor disagreements, Coffee or tea on a Sunday morning. An early bird and a night owl, stay up all night; Wake up at 11 to see you already working.   The veggie wars, no peace till no peas; You’d hide my dislikes in the curry. But I’m a black belt in picky eating baby, I can find the greens in a blended gravy,   Explorer and a familiarity seeker; New lakes, new parks and bird watcher Meets old shows and sitcoms re-watcher. To...

  Second death It was 2am when I decided I need to let myself sleep after a long day of tomfoolery and screentime. But just then, a melody starts playing in my mind, I was writing, well, trying to write something the other night, but it didn’t feel natural like it used to; I forced myself to rhyme, it was like 2021 all over again, That frustration was let loose and words played at the back of my head. I headed for the pen and the diary beside me, Opened a page to the end of the book so I don’t write on my already vomited ink, this is what I wrote in the span of 36 minutes of writing in the dark, eyes closed, humming a forgotten song     Metaphors to carry the meaning, Simile to mirror it Reflect my experiences, Show and not tell.   Life isn’t a movie, it’s not scripted, Every action has a consequence.   May god be without you, what is a god without a witness?   Is there a being watching me, Does free will exist? ...

Trail Of Thought -49 Disassociating has been a problem for me since a few years and it got really intense in the last few months. “Dissociation is when you feel disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of who you are. It's a common response to stress or trauma and can affect anyone.” It’s the concept of feeling out of body and not feeling things in first person perspective.   For me there is this constant narrating deity in my mind that watches me from a third person view which is also visualised in my brains. Right now, I am looking at the screen but I can also visualise a view from the top corner of my room watching myself type letters into a laptop. And sometimes, I can imagine people watching me from the said view and commenting on it like one of those Korean shows.   I have already talked about this deity in a previous post, it’s hilarious if you want to help yourself. But this post is a bit different.   I’m using the word ...

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