An Orange Cloud

Sometimes I wish that I can just lay on my bed, cry about all my problems, right from the beginning like when my dad tricked me into eating my jalebi when I was like 3 to the unhappened future events like being on my deathbed with my husband on my side in the hospital bed weeping as I take my last breath. I like doing that.   The misery I don’t despise.   That feeling of melancholy that brings me closer to the box I filled with emotions and shut close could be days ago, or even years in the past. That feeling of being wrapped around with a warm heavy blanket even on a sunny day with fan on full speed and AC on blast.   Sometimes I wish to take comfort in the sadness that washes over me due to a tiny conflict.     I wish to be covered with dark grey clouds ready to storm all over my mind.   I wish to stay in a dark blue walled hotel room, with paintings of pretty little flowers not yet ready to bloom, with waterfalls, not so glory when lo...

  TW: depressing.     Maybe we were never supposed to be Meant to be   The gods are getting angry, twas Never meant to be   Life is getting shorter each day Never meant to be   The curse is getting stronger dusk to dawn Never meant to be   Darling your hand is getting warmer Never meant to be   The stars in the sky seem brighter Never meant to be   The distance is getting closer Never meant to be   The world is getting darker Never meant to be   The lights are getting dimmer Never meant to be   My eyes are all dried up Never meant to be   My skin is getting paler Never meant to be   There’s a mushroom of smoke outside Never meant to be   The air is getting toxic Never meant to be   The world is getting crueler Never meant to be   The greed is spreading Never meant to be   The universe is screaming it is...

 Heyyyoo. The other day I was doom-scrolling on reels (routine reveal) and I noticed a reel about our solar system. Precisely about how the Pluto was not stable and drifting away but the Neptune’s resonance kept Pluto close. It was simply beautiful. The edit especially was what left me speechless but filled me with words not even seconds later. I went to my notes app and started typing while singing in to my empty room with glued on glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling.  Here’s the poem. . I’m blue but my heart is not I’m cold but my feelings are not . She's faaar away, but not for long When she comes closer I would keep her close For i can't be cold and loved. . She showed me warmth, When i was shoved to the end. She showed me happiness when not alone, And i have her warm memories till my end. . Life is short, she's shorter My heart beats faster with her . I loved the poem. Then I was back on my business and continued doom-scrolling when a reel from the same page showed u...

  Chapter 10     Nakshatra     Fool by Frankie cosmos has been in my head the whole day today. I’ll remember to listen to it.   When I was a kid, we used to move a lot. I studied in a different school almost every year and sometimes more than one in the same year. That was very messy. I asked my parents many times. They never gave me a straight answer about why we kept moving. So I stopped asking. Asking them. Now, I ask myself.   I love interviewing myself, it’s really fun! As a single child, my evenings were really boring for a few hours on a stretch. My parents believed in a zero screen-time policy so I spent my leisure time writing, drawing, dancing, and occasionally interviewing myself.   I have been asking myself questions for a few years now- weird, out-of-pocket street interview questions that have a niche 500 word answer that I laugh at while or after finishing.   That’s not the point. The point is there i...

  23-11-2021     I always liked maths when I was a kid But it all changed when they invited Greek   Never knew how things could be So complex and I disliked it   I couldn’t hate something That I have loved all these years     Felt sad but couldn’t do anything Thought that it’d be ok if I worked hard for it   I never had to be so scared for my Exams until today, I hate changes   The few important problems they gave Were more than enough to practice   But then suddenly the four walls broke apart Revealing the world to my little self   It was quite a phase I was quite dazed To run till the end of the maze Couldn’t look at my face   To run was the only thing taught to us It was never a marathon to begin with Always a sprint and always will be           Wondered if I’d like it If I chased for it   But now it just feel...

 TW: mentions of d34th, reincarnation and love. Trail Of Thoughts-38 What if you fall in love with an immortal and now you are left with a choice, 1.     Leave your life behind, become immortal and rule the Kingdom with the love of your life forever more (literally). Watch your loved ones from earth all d1e and reincarnate. 2.       Live with your love for as little as human’s existence and leave your love to be alone for the eternity of their life. Rose from B eauty And The Beast What if it becomes true? When we say I love you forever Do we mean forever or Just days till the love ends?   When we say I would d?e for you Do we mean to sacrifice or Just dying with them together?   When we say I will wait an eternity for you Do we actually mean it?     The idea of living forever will always haunt me. Sometimes the beauty of things is that it ends. I’d much rather be nostalgic and sad than live the...

If I told you, you’d go mad. If I told you I don’t want to go, you’d go mad If I told you I want to go, you’d go mad If I told you what I wanted to wear, you’d go mad If I don’t wear what you want me to, you’d go mad If I stayed up late, you’d go mad If I don’t finish my chores, you’d go mad If I do what I want, you’d go mad If I do what you want in my way, you’d go mad If I told you I was heartbroken, you’d go mad If I told you I was burnt out, you’d go mad If I am depressed, you’d go mad If I don’t say anything at all, you’d still go mad. What would you do if I told you that I loved you? Would you still be mad? I would. . This piece is not intentional towards anyone but a mere imagination brought into life through words. Imagine an over-controlling person in someone’s life. They love them but it is bad love and they know it. “Life goes on”, everyone around them says it. But that shouldn’t mean they should accept it, right? So at the end they realize it is bad (f...

TW: mentions of r-pe, bl0od This is an analogy, don’t take it literally. So basically this is about situations where you over think and rip off the band aid. Forgive me that was another analogy.   Let me explain with a small example. Imagine there was a test tomorrow. You studied really hard, like you pulled an all-nighter for it. Later you find out the exam is very easy. Almost too easy. It’s not because you studied so well, because all your friends who didn’t study like you got the same marks as you.   So ya.   Searching metaphors in everything but in reality there is nothing interesting in it.   There are times in life when you put in a lot of efforts even when it’s not needed.       "The Absinthe Drinker" by Edgar Degas     Was it a mosquito? Or did I just hit myself too hard?   Was it a 6 feet deep pool? Or did I just drown in a pond?   Was it a heart break? Or did I just cry over a...