An Orange Cloud

  I saw you in the clouds the other night, You were a blurry image in my eyes   I’ve seen you though a thick fog I followed you without a thought   You were leading me to nowhere And I've got no place to stay   Is this what you’ve wanted me to do? To make the grave mistake of being lured?   Is this how it’s supposed to end? Or is the something from the past?   If I could talk to old me I would not disturb the destiny I would not be me If I erased what made me, me   And what made me become the person I am ur actions and the words you pierce me through Has no definite answer, but I know you’re the wolf and I’m the lamb   I bled to the floor, into a puddle Never expected this sadness, so sudden.   Well what is sadness, if not a surprise? What is sadness if it doesn’t catch you off guard? What is sadness if not a peak-a-boo? What is sadness if not an uninvited visitor? What is sadness if...

  Im living in minutes I look away for a while and it’s been 30 minutes   I could never look at the clock the same way For im being chased by the ghost called fast-forward It’s like my life has been taken away And im watching it as it moves forward.   Im living in minutes, It takes me 20 minutes to get a 5-min power nap.   Anything I do, the minutes pass by Without a warning, they whoosh by Im just a pedestrian in the highway of time Yet I get to the destination like I’m in f1   Im living in minutes, Until I’m doing a plank of 2 minutes, for when its 120 seconds.   It’s been just yesterday when the trees were lush, Been a minute and now it’s all branches and dust. All the flowers bloomed and bloomed No more left to colour the empty road now.   I’m living in minutes, Slots of 20 minutes, watching my favourite series.   One more episode and its 1 am, When will I ever learn my lesson? “Teaser ...

  Oh captain, my captain, I see you everywhere   But I need to erase the pain, Numb it with the discomfort of freedom.   I need to dampen the spirits Steal joy like shushed laughs, Blank responses, Unprofessional show of teeth, Over explaining thoughts, Under-understanding of actions, Misinterpretation of expressions, Fumbling of well curated words, Mis-articulation of rehearsed thoughts, Choking up at the time of alarm, Freezing at the sight of fear Overtaken by fear of uncertain fear of failure.     I shut down the routes to road less taken, I shut off the demons singing poetry in my nerves, I scream at the nostalgia eating me alive, I laugh at the state of my mind I have chosen for myself.     Oh captain, my captain, What am I without my random scribbles of rhyming lines? What am I without my loud laughs at the whimsy of life? What am I without the curiosity for magic in my every day; While...

Sometimes I wish that I can just lay on my bed, cry about all my problems, right from the beginning like when my dad tricked me into eating my jalebi when I was like 3 to the unhappened future events like being on my deathbed with my husband on my side in the hospital bed weeping as I take my last breath. I like doing that.   The misery I don’t despise.   That feeling of melancholy that brings me closer to the box I filled with emotions and shut close could be days ago, or even years in the past. That feeling of being wrapped around with a warm heavy blanket even on a sunny day with fan on full speed and AC on blast.   Sometimes I wish to take comfort in the sadness that washes over me due to a tiny conflict.     I wish to be covered with dark grey clouds ready to storm all over my mind.   I wish to stay in a dark blue walled hotel room, with paintings of pretty little flowers not yet ready to bloom, with waterfalls, not so glory when lo...

  TW: depressing.     Maybe we were never supposed to be Meant to be   The gods are getting angry, twas Never meant to be   Life is getting shorter each day Never meant to be   The curse is getting stronger dusk to dawn Never meant to be   Darling your hand is getting warmer Never meant to be   The stars in the sky seem brighter Never meant to be   The distance is getting closer Never meant to be   The world is getting darker Never meant to be   The lights are getting dimmer Never meant to be   My eyes are all dried up Never meant to be   My skin is getting paler Never meant to be   There’s a mushroom of smoke outside Never meant to be   The air is getting toxic Never meant to be   The world is getting crueler Never meant to be   The greed is spreading Never meant to be   The universe is screaming it is...

 Heyyyoo. The other day I was doom-scrolling on reels (routine reveal) and I noticed a reel about our solar system. Precisely about how the Pluto was not stable and drifting away but the Neptune’s resonance kept Pluto close. It was simply beautiful. The edit especially was what left me speechless but filled me with words not even seconds later. I went to my notes app and started typing while singing in to my empty room with glued on glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling.  Here’s the poem. . I’m blue but my heart is not I’m cold but my feelings are not . She's faaar away, but not for long When she comes closer I would keep her close For i can't be cold and loved. . She showed me warmth, When i was shoved to the end. She showed me happiness when not alone, And i have her warm memories till my end. . Life is short, she's shorter My heart beats faster with her . I loved the poem. Then I was back on my business and continued doom-scrolling when a reel from the same page showed u...

  Chapter 10     Nakshatra     Fool by Frankie cosmos has been in my head the whole day today. I’ll remember to listen to it.   When I was a kid, we used to move a lot. I studied in a different school almost every year and sometimes more than one in the same year. That was very messy. I asked my parents many times. They never gave me a straight answer about why we kept moving. So I stopped asking. Asking them. Now, I ask myself.   I love interviewing myself, it’s really fun! As a single child, my evenings were really boring for a few hours on a stretch. My parents believed in a zero screen-time policy so I spent my leisure time writing, drawing, dancing, and occasionally interviewing myself.   I have been asking myself questions for a few years now- weird, out-of-pocket street interview questions that have a niche 500 word answer that I laugh at while or after finishing.   That’s not the point. The point is there i...