the joy i get to celebrate for the fourth time

By Rini -


IT’S BEEN 4 YEARS SINCE I HAVE STARTED MY BLOG.

ANORANGECLOUD IS CELEBRATING ITS 2ND 3RD BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

(Fresh off the boat reference)

 

YAYY!

 Trail Of Thoughts- 40 

Sto-Rini-28


Like all my anniversary posts, I’d like to start with thanking my brother. I know you’re reading this and ready to text me to take it off but no, don’t even think about it. I started Anorangecloud because you suggested it. Thank you again (I’ll thank you for the rest of anorangecloud’s life).

 

 

Hello normal people. How is your life treating you these days?

BORING.

 

Let me tell you about mine. (Also, please do share how your life’s been in the comments below or text me <3)

 

If you read any of my previous anniversary posts, you will know they’re a bunch of “Ten day diary” extended version. It’s a filler post, you can say. And guess what? It’s the same this year as well. Deal with it.

 

Welcome to my “Chit-chat with Rini because we got nothing else to do”

 

4 years ago today I decided to start a blog. Well not exactly 4 years ago today, I had some planning and architecture-ing happening for a couple of days and decided to post my first ever post today. I posted an introductory post and a little poem I wrote. Definitely don’t go checking on it because, just don’t.

 

Anyways, my last few days have been something.

 

Little something about me: I never went to hostel, never travelled without my parents (except that time when I went on cousins’ trip with my brother; but it doesn’t count); I never went on a trip with people I barely know. But that ‘never’ turned to first time.

 

On July 8th embarked my first ever ‘business’ trip, as I’d like to brag, to a distant village about 500km away from my home. It was an 8 hour sleeper bus journey + 3 hour normal bus journey to the place. It’s quite an old place. My first ever trip with people I barely know, my first room sharing experience with another person, my first ever outstation audit, my first ever sleeper bus and shit load of first times. In the beginning I was not overwhelmed, just a little excited sprinkled with anxiousness mostly because I did not grasp the reality of the situation. While packing my bag, my mom asked me how long it would be and I realized I didn’t know, they didn’t tell me. It was not sure how long I’d be staying in a faraway place for the first time. My parents expressed greater concern than I did. I was just excited.

 

Safe to say, things went fairly well, I expected it to be wayyyy worse. Maybe I’ll tell you more about it in the next post? Stay online till then ;)

 

Moving on.

 

 

Ever since I was a kid, I could imagine something happening in the future and it'd happen. I’m not talking about ‘final destination’ vibes or even premonitions like ‘Wednesday’, it’s more of a manifesting thing or just recognizing the patterns in life kinda thing. And I’ve always been able to do it. For example, the night before an exam I would sleep thinking how I’d be out of the exam hall smiling and being happy because it went well and I would actually come out smiling on the exam day.

 

Not until now i realized that I have been manifesting since I was a kid. Though it sounds great, it doesn’t happen all the time of course. Just manifesting is never enough. I have to work as well. When I joined 11th, I imagined I would do really well in my final exams and I did to an extent. Even in foundation, I worked really hard to study and I passed with marks I predicted in a letter to future me. It was fascinating.

 

It all changed when CA intermediate started. I could not “see” the future. It all became very, well, blurry (?). The future is unknown. It’s unpredictable. Life is supposed to be like that. It always has been like that. But also I have always been able to ‘see’ some of it beforehand. I could at least predict it. But now I couldn’t. Last year, it was all scary. Life became way too serious and real. It was hard to predict with patterns.  

 

And even though at the back of mind I had a vision, like a belief, it was still very scary to await the results. I could not predict the future; it felt like I was losing control of my life, over my decisions, over my actions. As if I was a puppet being played with by forces unknown. The thought of unknown felt like a trigger to existential crisis in the middle of the day. I started disassociating from life and everything would feel like simulation and very real at the same time. It was difficult to continue with my day like a normal person with the thought of possibly being a school project to an alien species for their 10th class science fair. I could be a code they typed by mistake and it’s possible I could be eradicated from existence if they wish to do so; or an imagination in someone’s dream and they haven’t woken up yet; Or a human with a life span of 80 years in the universe that’s ‘been’ for billions of years. My presence could be a speck of dust in this universe or eighty long years for my consciousness. I could be anything or nothing at all.

 

My state of mind has been troubling me for days. I was struggling to manifest, or to even try to do something for myself, that would guarantee in giving me joy but it was just so difficult.

 

I do not wish to talk further on the topic for I think I probably ruined your Monday with my blues, yet once again.

 

On a positive note, I can see myself longer than 2 months. This is an update to my friend as well; who i called crying (also the first time that happened). Who knew personality analyzing geek would be of help at times like this? Not me. But now I know.

 

As my public-diary reader, you’re obliged to share how your life is in the comments below.

 

Have a great day.

 

I had pizza today, on occasion of my blog’s 4th year anniversary.

(I forgot about the occasion when i ordered)

 

I finally got my first stipend after 69 days of working, and my first purchase after offering to god is the book, “Surrounded by idiots” by Thomas Erikson. I started reading it; it’s quite nice, flows well. I’ll tell you more about it once I get into the actual chapters. Also, my first ever non-fiction. Wow, lots of first times this time.

 

Love life

Love love

Love you.

 

 

When things get real, maybe stop and breathe in. its rainy season after all. If you don’t stop, the rain will stop you.

Don’t forget an umbrella.

 

Hope the second half of 2025 is treating you well so far.

 

Have a wonderful week!!

 

Thank you so much for reading till the end. Time would have passed anyways if I didn’t start the blog, but because I did, it became the joy I get to celebrate for the fourth time (call back to the title).

 

Yours lovingly,

Rini.

Anorangecloud.


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