parasite

By Rini -

 

I think I’m a parasite

I’d be good at everything you want me to be

 

If I try my level best

I’d be able to accomplish

 

But what do I really want to be doing?

What do I want to be, truly speaking?

 

If I try,

I can do it

But do I really wanna do it

What if I don’t like it

After I complete it?

What if my life in this

Would be favourless?

What if I try my best

Just for it to be hated

By me in the future?

And the future’s so near.

 

If I try,

I’ll be who you want me to be

But what if it’s not what I want

 

What if I don’t need a stable bridge

What if I’m truly adventurous

What if I want to have fun?

 

Sitting behind a desk

Typing jumbled letters

With more jumbled ones

What if this is what I want?

 

Behind the screen

With slow music feels

With an half eaten chocolate

And friends few texts away

With pens all around the table

And half eaten snacks beside ‘em

And opened textbooks

Unwritten homework

With unlimited tests

Multiple headaches

And breakdowns

 

What if that’s not what I want

 

Underdeveloped ideas

Brain with flashy ideas.

(Flash because they

Come and they go)

 

The life my mom dreamt

The life my dad wanted

The life my brother is living

What if I don’t want that?

 

Is this even life?

Is this even what I want?

 

“Earn money, do whatever you like then”

What if I won’t be alive by then?

 

What if

 

Many questions in my head

But one with the loudest voice

“What if?”

 

It could be;

“What if people love my work?”

But it’s always;

“What if I’m never seen?”

 

The ‘what ifs’ in my brain

Are eating me away.

 

I’m just a person

Programmed at birth

 

Destined to live in some way

But not in my way

 

If I try

I can change

But I’m way too deep

In the water

 

Way too deep

To take off my breathing mask

Way too deep

To take off on my own

Way too deep

To know the other way

Way too deep

To get lost easily

Way too deep

To have any other choice

 

I have only one choice

 

I’d rather dive

Than drown

 

Both lead to the bottom of the ocean

But I’d choose the one

Where I can stay alive

Just a spark of life,

Maybe just existing

 

I’ll hold on to it

And maybe

Just maybe

Brighten the spark

Ignite something

 

And maybe,

Just a maybe

I can live

In a way

I want to.

 

And what if, it all wohdvfguegbuee7tfj?

 

Just a what if.

 

 ~The End ?


heyy!! hope you like this one. 

comment your thoughts!!

i wrote this on a really burnout day, the day i couldn't lift my pen to study. i was so fogged i couldn't sleep. i literally watched reels my brother sent for an hour. i read about time travelling for one more hour, i read my little book of flashy ideas and researched about some. so that's how this happened. i could finally write a poem!!! with rhyming!!!! it's been sooooooo long!!!! i feel content. i could finally sleep smiling about my productivity.

about this poem: this poem is deeep. (that's what she said) this poem will be my anthem for the rest of my studies. until i'm done with my "career". so ya, I hope you don't relate to it. trust me, you don't want to. I seriously don't want anyone saying "us bro us", "us fr" in the comments. (i'll make you my dearest friend if you do 👺👺)

byee 

i love you

rini.



TDD- ten day diary

they were FAST. fast like in fast and furious. i didn't realise it was 9th already until yesterday (8th)

so ya. that's how my ten days went.


have a great july. the next one is a surprise hehe.


now your turn, tell me how your 10 days went? were we on the same earth or did you have a slow 10 days? comment belowwww

 byee

lovingly,

me. 

Comments

  1. Anonymous13 July 2023 at 01:33

    Awesome write.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous13 July 2023 at 06:34

    This is soooooo cool!! ✨. I like it !!
    I felt it when u said "what if" 🤌. Keep going reshh🙌✨.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An Orange Cloud14 July 2023 at 08:15

      😭😭thank you sooo much!! And no dont say, it's relatable 👺👺

      Delete
  3. Anonymous31 July 2023 at 08:13

    Us bro us

    ReplyDelete

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