im not

By Rini -

 

1-2-22


Cute, smart and pretty

That’s how people describe me

It just makes me sad how people

Don’t compliment my personality

 

It’s depressing.

Maybe there isn’t anything

To compliment about me,

Other than my beauty.

 

I honestly don’t think I’m beautiful

I’m a shallow person with depression

I am not emotionally stable

And definitely not mentally

 

Hoped things would change

By the coming days. 

 

My first day at my new school

Turned out to bring my worst

Insecurities out to the front

When I met you.

 

I met you

And I could feel

The jealousy in me brew

And I hated you.

 

You were so cheerful and friendly

You made me smile so quickly

With your charming personality

I liked you more than me

 

I forgot my worries

When I was with you.

 

I never really hated you

I hated you because I couldn’t be you

I just couldn’t admit that I hated me

So I blamed you for everything

 

I made excuses like never before

That I’m someone you should be grateful for

 

I couldn’t take all this hate

So I tried throwing it on you

But I was a bit late

I wanted to be friends with you

 

You made out to be an

Even great person

A great personality and

Kind without a reason

 

And again you’re always someone

I loved to spend time with

You know me for who I am

And not just the outer me

 

Spending days with you

Went like minutes I couldn’t count.

I shared my happiness

And some insecurities.

 

You didn’t mind at all

That made me love you one for all                   

 

You looked so beautiful

When you smiled and

Everyone around you

Laugh and enjoy themselves

 

But something went wrong somewhere

You stopped hanging out with me

You were here and suddenly never there

I was annoyed and mostly scared

 

I was afraid I might have hurt you

I was scared of losing you

 

That’s when I noticed

How you really felt around me

I tried to brush my thought away

But really I brushed you away

 

I don’t know what happened between us

It’s not the same as it was

We hung out

But not as much as before

Not as genuine as before

 

I understood it one second

And never the other

 

It was sad

I felt sad I was losing you

And I couldn’t think of anything

To have you back

 

Everything drifted away

I don’t blame you

You probably had your reasons

But a single goodbye wouldn’t hurt anyone.

 

People always call me beautiful

But am I the only one who knows the truth?

Cuz I’m not the purest in my heart

I see people far better than me in the world

But they are seen lowly

Cuz they’re ‘ugly’ and it’s disgusting.


~The End~

 

 

Before I get any hate or anything negative towards this poem, let me tell you this. I wrote this from a different person's view. A different person other than Rini and her mini versions of herself. It’s a different person.

 

And as you can tell, I wrote this is early months of 2022. Nearly, a year and half. So please be kind.

 

 

Personally, I think this can be edited but I don’t want to do it. I already told you how I don’t edit or change any poem before posting; I only review the spellings and nothing else. I don’t want to let down the past Rini to think her work wasn’t good enough. I put a hold on this for way too long.

 

This poem is about a girl who was born pretty. She grew up even to be prettier. But her appearance wasn’t the only pretty thing. She had a pretty brain too (if that makes sense). She got fed up people complimenting her for her beauty; she wanted more than just some shallow words. She wanted a friend. Someone legit. And she found one but in a not-so-pretty way. Yet, she loved the friendship that helped her explore more of her creative side and thoughts. She loved the feeling of what it’s like being in a ‘real’ friendship.

 

And again, it’s not my story. I wrote it from a different pov to challenge myself (and also because my life got boring (rare)).

 

Let the dogs bark, I love this poem.

 

Hehe

 

 

I love you,

Rini <3333

 

 

TDD- ten day diary

it feels like its been soooooooo long though it's been just 10 days. i just feel the time pass by second by second. unreal.

anyways, hope you guys had a great july BECAUSE ITS OVER. its over😭😭😭😭😭

4 more months and its 2024. like bro slow tf down. 

my 10 days have been mild, nothing interesting (i went to barbie; wrote a couple of poems, creative af; got humiliated by my teacher LMAO; wore a dress after MANY days).

tell me about yours!!!!!!!! or else 👺👺👺👺



ok baiiii

lovingly,

me.

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