an umbrella

By Rini -
Trail Of Thoughts- 12



Its rainy season and it’s only fair to use an umbrella now. I carry my umbrella everywhere in case it starts pouring, hard. But sometimes I want to carry it even if the forecast shows clear skies for hours; in fact, I want to use it even during the ‘clear skies’.
 
Why, you ask. Number of reasons crossed my mind and stayed above like a cloud ready to p1ss. I’ll tell you why.
 
Umbrellas help me. They help me hide from people I don’t wanna talk or look at. Yes, yes, im an extrovert but sometimes I need some alone time as well, some time to reflect on myself. for e.g., realize how rude I was to a student, how I could’ve offended someone with a ‘funny’ joke, how I could’ve just kept my mouth shut at some point, how I could’ve just walked out but decided to stay and watch the disaster unfold itself- you get it.
 
It’s more like im exhausted than being defensive.
 
It’s like an artificial block from people. I can lower the umbrella, as the saying goes, ‘cat closes its eyes and thinks no one is watching her while she is stealing milk.’ (Im sorry for poor translation, it’s from a telugu saying that goes, ‘kallu muskuni pilli paallu thaginattu’ ( పిల్లి కళ్ళు మూసుకొని పాలు తాగుతూ ఎవరు చూడట్లేదు అనుకుంటది అంట )
(please that took longer than it should, I had to find the correct saying in order not to raise any misunderstandings. but turns out, this saying is not applicable in this context. it only does in negative situations, for e.g., when a robber doesn’t notice the cctv cameras and thinks he is alone and robs the place. like he thinks there are none only because he didn’t notice them. when a cat steals milk, it doesn’t want people to know that. so it closes its eyes thinking no one can see it just like how it can’t.)
 
Okayyy enough side tracking, back to the point.
ok so I lower my umbrella and pretend like I can’t see anyone, when the only thing I can’t see is their faces which is the beginning to any conversations. And I am desperately trying to avoid conversations.
So the next time you see me with an umbrella even when its ‘clear skies’, please don’t hmu. That’s ‘me time’ going on.
 
People use umbrella to avoid rain and sunlight but I do to avoid people. As an extreme extrovert I find this funny too. I don’t understand why I don’t want to spend time with people. People give my battery and energy but what I didn’t notice is that introverts give me comfort. They don’t talk much and there’s no need to ‘break the ice’. It can be quiet and no one gives a duck. It’s nice to walk to the bus stop without worrying about what expression need to put on or what reaction I need to give. My faces muscles are already tired from doing it work all morning. Im more physically drained than I am mentally. School is draining.
 
But don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being around people who are loud and fun. It’s fun to laugh out loud and release the happy hormones. It’s fun to forget everything and laugh out every now and then. Laughing is a medicine. But maybe for once in a while, rest is also important.
 
 
Nowadays im putting on a cap which actually serves the same purpose but in an easier, non-bulky way. And yes I still carry my umbrella, it’s heavy.
 
 
That concludes my low-effort post for the week. More than this and it will seem like im dragging it out- not good.
 
 
Well if you’ve noticed, i started this post with “its rainy season”, when it’s in fact definitely NOT rainy season. What does that tell you? Idek why I ask questions when I know I can’t get answers from you like this. Ok treat it as a rhetorical question. I’ll answer. It tells you that I wrote this during rainy season and its now winter for me (ig for everyone in the northern hemisphere?).
 
Well that’s it for today people.
 
~The End~
 
Word, I will b doing lots of trail of thoughts for some time being. Adjust to it or not, I can’t really tell you what to do. I genuinely enjoy doing this series and sto-rini. I feel more expressive in these. I likey-like.
Hope you feel the same! If not, suffer you imbecile, suffer!
Jk, just don’t lose me in these and make sure to get back when I start posting poems.
 
Okayyy byee!
Love,
Rini.
 



TDD- welcome back to my online journal and in this post’s schedule we have the following news,
1. Im 20 days closer to my first pre-board exams
2. Im having issues in my personal life
3. Im becoming lamer by day and that’s not so ‘materialistic girl’ of me
4. Been writing so much these days, wish it were poems but unfortunately its notes
 
that is it for today and we'll (hopefully) meet again in the next one, until then,
i'll take my leave,
love,
me <3

Comments

Post a Comment

my popular posts!!

new girl

By Rini -
  Sto-rini- 14 It was back in 2019; I was studying 9th. The academic year had just begun and we were all breathing the air of relief because of the 8th class storm. We had public exams in 8th, our first exposure to outside correction and the new type of stress due to pressure.   9th class was our step to freedom after the battle. As storm passed, calmness spread. Little did I know, it was the sign for yet another storm that was to come, but this time it was coming for me.   "A new student has joined in 9th A", announced my class teacher, we got excited. I still remember that day, crystal clear. She waddled in, shy and sat behind me. On her first day, we swarmed around her introducing ourselves. I remember my first words to her, "Nice to meet you. My name is Rini".   We shook hands. It wasn't firm, she was rather weak. She was slim. Not too thin, not too fat. Just the right type. She had a fair complexion, clear skin, thick hair, smooth hands, beautif...
Read more!

her and him

By Rini -
He is always saying that they have nothing in common but she, a sitcom addict, says that’s where magic happens.   Trail of thoughts- 23 When people are different, there is space between their hearts. One can say that their love for each other and them as a whole is common enough. But she says that the bridge that connects their soul is built by them with their own minds and hands. “If we have nothing in common, so be it. We can do or create hobbies that both of us can enjoy doing together”.   Maybe just love is enough, but are you sure?   He loves watching movies and series. He loves re-watching his favourites. She passes her time watching 20 minute recap of famous movies. She thinks movies today are lengthy without a story.   So, he made it his life’s mission to narrate her movies he watched, re-watched and loved so far. That works for both of them.   She loves writing. She writes poetry and sometimes stories. When she asks him to read th...
Read more!

rubber hands

By Rini -
  My eyes feel heavy, I can’t feel my body. I feel like I’m dying. I woke up not knowing how I even fell asleep. Was it even sleep I have woken up from? But first, why does my whole body ache like crazy? I can’t even open my fucking eyes. With all my might, I open them slightly. First thing I see is red coloured sand. Just sand everywhere, red precisely. Red mountains, red sky, red sandstorms, red ground, and red …… liquid? Is that blood? Am I bleeding?? I feel a metallic taste in my mouth. It is blood. I try lifting my hands and they’re painted bright red. I have been hurt badly. Don’t know how, don’t know when, and don’t know why.   Wait, why don’t I remember why or how? I don’t remember anything. Why is that? I go deep into my thoughts and suddenly a memory snaps. A car accident. There was a car accident. Trying to remember more things despite the severe headache and huge blood loss, I remember one more thing. I was with my boyfriend, Siddharth, in the very car that was in ...
Read more!

what's the worst thing that could happen?

By Rini -
  When people say “what’s the worst thing that can happen” before doing the most diabolical stunt in their life, my mind just wanders in the grey area of life. Trail Of Thoughts - 34 Let me explain. When I started this blog, my first thought was “Omg lezgoo ahhh” and second was, “what’s the worst possibility”. The answer to that question was “no one would read it lol”. That initially gave me a boost to posting anything I want and I still equip that in the back of my mind before I click on ‘publish’.  Today, I realized I wasn’t thinking of the worst possible consequence, but rather “a” consequence that could be both a win and a loss for me. I don’t think my mind wrapped around that saying properly. Now that I am older and wiser, I think the worst thing that could happen when blogging is the following: This might end up on some wrong person’s feed somehow; they read it and interpret it in the wrong way. And not stop there. He (suppose) not only hates it but makes it his whole pu...
Read more!

one must imagine Sisyphus happy

By Rini -
  I just spent the last hour learning about Sisyphus, a myth, and  Albert Camus , a famous French philosopher. Camus said, “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” So what is all this, who is Sisyphus, why must we imagine him happy, why did Camus say that? (And what am I yapping)   Trail Of Thoughts - 33 Sisyphus is a Greek mythology story. The shorter version is that he was an extremely overconfident and arrogant king, basically hubristic. He cheated on death twice and the Gods got mad at him and gave him a punishment. The punishment was for him to push a boulder, a giant rock, to the top of a steep hill and just when he would reach the top, the Gods would make the boulder slide down making Sisyphus start all over again. This was to last an eternity. For AN ETERNITY, this guy should push a giant rock up a hill just for it to fall again and again and again.   So why did Albert Camus say that one must imagine Sisyphus happy? Why must one imagine a never-ending pun...
Read more!