an umbrella

Trail Of Thoughts- 12

Its rainy season and it’s only fair to use an umbrella now. I carry my umbrella everywhere in case it starts pouring, hard. But sometimes I want to carry it even if the forecast shows clear skies for hours; in fact, I want to use it even during the ‘clear skies’.

 

Why, you ask. Number of reasons crossed my mind and stayed above like a cloud ready to p1ss. I’ll tell you why.

 

Umbrellas help me. They help me hide from people I don’t wanna talk or look at. Yes, yes, im an extrovert but sometimes I need some alone time as well, some time to reflect on myself. for e.g., realize how rude I was to a student, how I could’ve offended someone with a ‘funny’ joke, how I could’ve just kept my mouth shut at some point, how I could’ve just walked out but decided to stay and watch the disaster unfold itself- you get it.

 

It’s more like im exhausted than being defensive.

 

It’s like an artificial block from people. I can lower the umbrella, as the saying goes, ‘cat closes its eyes and thinks no one is watching her while she is stealing milk.’ (Im sorry for poor translation, it’s from a telugu saying that goes, ‘kallu muskuni pilli paallu thaginattu’ ( పిల్లి కళ్ళు మూసుకొని పాలు తాగుతూ ఎవరు చూడట్లేదు అనుకుంటది అంట )

(please that took longer than it should, I had to find the correct saying in order not to raise any misunderstandings. but turns out, this saying is not applicable in this context. it only does in negative situations, for e.g., when a robber doesn’t notice the cctv cameras and thinks he is alone and robs the place. like he thinks there are none only because he didn’t notice them. when a cat steals milk, it doesn’t want people to know that. so it closes its eyes thinking no one can see it just like how it can’t.)

 

Okayyy enough side tracking, back to the point.

ok so I lower my umbrella and pretend like I can’t see anyone, when the only thing I can’t see is their faces which is the beginning to any conversations. And I am desperately trying to avoid conversations.

So the next time you see me with an umbrella even when its ‘clear skies’, please don’t hmu. That’s ‘me time’ going on.

 

People use umbrella to avoid rain and sunlight but I do to avoid people. As an extreme extrovert I find this funny too. I don’t understand why I don’t want to spend time with people. People give my battery and energy but what I didn’t notice is that introverts give me comfort. They don’t talk much and there’s no need to ‘break the ice’. It can be quiet and no one gives a duck. It’s nice to walk to the bus stop without worrying about what expression need to put on or what reaction I need to give. My faces muscles are already tired from doing it work all morning. Im more physically drained than I am mentally. School is draining.

 

But don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being around people who are loud and fun. It’s fun to laugh out loud and release the happy hormones. It’s fun to forget everything and laugh out every now and then. Laughing is a medicine. But maybe for once in a while, rest is also important.

 

 

Nowadays im putting on a cap which actually serves the same purpose but in an easier, non-bulky way. And yes I still carry my umbrella, it’s heavy.

 

 

That concludes my low-effort post for the week. More than this and it will seem like im dragging it out- not good.

 

 

Well if you’ve noticed, i started this post with “its rainy season”, when it’s in fact definitely NOT rainy season. What does that tell you? Idek why I ask questions when I know I can’t get answers from you like this. Ok treat it as a rhetorical question. I’ll answer. It tells you that I wrote this during rainy season and its now winter for me (ig for everyone in the northern hemisphere?).

 

Well that’s it for today people.

 

~The End~

 

Word, I will b doing lots of trail of thoughts for some time being. Adjust to it or not, I can’t really tell you what to do. I genuinely enjoy doing this series and sto-rini. I feel more expressive in these. I likey-like.

Hope you feel the same! If not, suffer you imbecile, suffer!

Jk, just don’t lose me in these and make sure to get back when I start posting poems.

 

Okayyy byee!

Love,

Rini.

 

TDD- welcome back to my online journal and in this post’s schedule we have the following news,

1. Im 20 days closer to my first pre-board exams

2. Im having issues in my personal life

3. Im becoming lamer by day and that’s not so ‘materialistic girl’ of me

4. Been writing so much these days, wish it were poems but unfortunately its notes

 

that is it for today and we'll (hopefully) meet again in the next one, until then,

i'll take my leave,

love,

me <3