the most burnout i've ever felt

By Rini -

We all feel burnt-out at some point in our lives. And this is my story of the most burnout I’ve ever been/felt. (whichever is grammatically right.)
 
 
Sto-rini- 9
 
 
Usually I’d feel burnt-out after a long day and that’s one kind for me. But this, this is fairy new to me. I am so burnt-out that even this unproductiveness is not affecting me. Usually I’d freak out about not being productive enough even during the phase. But this time, I’m just accepting that I need a break.
 
Too much pressure would break the crayons and I’m not talking about just crayons rn. So I decided to pause it all this time.
 
Wanna know what I did instead of freaking out?
I decided to draw. I drew some stuff then I found a colouring book and coloured some pages of rainbow laddoos and funky ganesha. I need better colouring books. Then I took a break and did some skincare. A facemask. Then I slept for so long, peaceful. Then I sat before my computer and started doing something productive and suddenly it stopped working. Like I literally just opened up a pdf it just crashed. So even the stars don’t align with me being productive, that’s the only way I can explain it (or the only way I want it to be explained).
 
I wanna talk about why I was so burnt-out. I have been stressing out so much about everything basically. So much is going in my mind and my mind decided to just crash or shut down on its own will. And I feel like a container or a robot without a controller and every little thing just started irritating me. And I just want to cry. I don’t want to do anything, like anything at all. Anything related to studies. I wanna skip everything for today. I promised myself I’d study only on week days from now on. Idk, staying at home and not doing anything doesn’t really go well with me. I wanna just sit idle for a day.
 
Like in a poem I read in my English text, it says that once in a while we should shut down all the engines and try staying quiet and think about everything we’ve done until now. Although the poet mentioned he didn’t want us to confuse that with total inactivity, it is only possible for me if I am inactive. Just idle and think. Thinking should be done as it is and shouldn’t be performed with other tasks simultaneously.
 
I want people to normalise students to take a break and not expect them to work tirelessly. It’s like studying the whole night before an exam and finally sleeping during the exam. And what would you score in that case? A big ol’ zero.
 
My biggest fear is failure, letting people down. But at this point, I’d rather let people down than go down the hill myself. But since I’m already going downhill, I don’t mind letting others down for a while.
Yes it sucks big time. But i know from all the articles i read and looked through that say that taking a break is not as bad as it seems.
Who decided taking a break was a bad thing in the first place anyways? All the misconceptions just line up till we can’t break the wall anymore.
 
I'm primarily writing this blog for two reasons;
1. Journalising how I'm feeling
2. Letting people know its normal and that they’re not alone
 
I guess the numbers are mixed but someone told me to prioritise myself over others so i put the order as this.
 
 
Hope this helps you find your kitkat. So ya please have it and take a break ffs.
 
Thanks for reading yet another smallish post! (I’m super busy these days hence the low effort posts. the catch? they only seem low-effort but actually take some effort; more than what i seem to tell you)
 
 
love you,
Rini.
 
 
 
TDD-  hey. Things have been really weird in the past 10 ten days. I’m getting sick of studying. I personally really like it but these days i have been experiencing otherwise. i am procrastinating so freaking much which is strangely not freaking me out as much as it used to (mind you, it still does but in less quantity (?)). im taking breaks but unhealthy ones.
some days went by really fast, some went slow, some were really fun and some were just ok.
i went shopping, had super fun with friends, spent quality time with mom.
okie bye!
love,
me.

(dont mind the spelling mistakes, i typed this at 1)

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