An Orange Cloud

  Oh captain, my captain, I see you everywhere   But I need to erase the pain, Numb it with the discomfort of freedom.   I need to dampen the spirits Steal joy like shushed laughs, Blank responses, Unprofessional show of teeth, Over explaining thoughts, Under-understanding of actions, Misinterpretation of expressions, Fumbling of well curated words, Mis-articulation of rehearsed thoughts, Choking up at the time of alarm, Freezing at the sight of fear Overtaken by fear of uncertain fear of failure.     I shut down the routes to road less taken, I shut off the demons singing poetry in my nerves, I scream at the nostalgia eating me alive, I laugh at the state of my mind I have chosen for myself.     Oh captain, my captain, What am I without my random scribbles of rhyming lines? What am I without my loud laughs at the whimsy of life? What am I without the curiosity for magic in my every day; While...

Sometimes I wish that I can just lay on my bed, cry about all my problems, right from the beginning like when my dad tricked me into eating my jalebi when I was like 3 to the unhappened future events like being on my deathbed with my husband on my side in the hospital bed weeping as I take my last breath. I like doing that.   The misery I don’t despise.   That feeling of melancholy that brings me closer to the box I filled with emotions and shut close could be days ago, or even years in the past. That feeling of being wrapped around with a warm heavy blanket even on a sunny day with fan on full speed and AC on blast.   Sometimes I wish to take comfort in the sadness that washes over me due to a tiny conflict.     I wish to be covered with dark grey clouds ready to storm all over my mind.   I wish to stay in a dark blue walled hotel room, with paintings of pretty little flowers not yet ready to bloom, with waterfalls, not so glory when lo...

  TW: depressing.     Maybe we were never supposed to be Meant to be   The gods are getting angry, twas Never meant to be   Life is getting shorter each day Never meant to be   The curse is getting stronger dusk to dawn Never meant to be   Darling your hand is getting warmer Never meant to be   The stars in the sky seem brighter Never meant to be   The distance is getting closer Never meant to be   The world is getting darker Never meant to be   The lights are getting dimmer Never meant to be   My eyes are all dried up Never meant to be   My skin is getting paler Never meant to be   There’s a mushroom of smoke outside Never meant to be   The air is getting toxic Never meant to be   The world is getting crueler Never meant to be   The greed is spreading Never meant to be   The universe is screaming it is...

 TW: mentions of d34th, reincarnation and love. Trail Of Thoughts-38 What if you fall in love with an immortal and now you are left with a choice, 1.     Leave your life behind, become immortal and rule the Kingdom with the love of your life forever more (literally). Watch your loved ones from earth all d1e and reincarnate. 2.       Live with your love for as little as human’s existence and leave your love to be alone for the eternity of their life. Rose from B eauty And The Beast What if it becomes true? When we say I love you forever Do we mean forever or Just days till the love ends?   When we say I would d?e for you Do we mean to sacrifice or Just dying with them together?   When we say I will wait an eternity for you Do we actually mean it?     The idea of living forever will always haunt me. Sometimes the beauty of things is that it ends. I’d much rather be nostalgic and sad than live the...

  I watch you fall in love While I save myself. Its heart wrenching To see someone waiting And you know you won’t Take them to their home.   I am not sure if I want you To fall for me Because it feels nice To be admired.   But then again, I can’t Torture you with The pain that comes with love.   The pain that comes with loving And not being loved back.   I read the books that Explain all sorts of Loves and their paybacks But never experienced one.   I watch you cry for me While I smile without glee. I’m not sure what to do Except to say I told you so.   I watch you break for me But I’m not the glue you need.   I watch you become a hero But I’m not you’re heroine.   I watch you become the devil for me But I’m not the angel in the sky flying.                       ...

5th july, 2022  “But sometimes, when I look in her eyes, that’s where I find A glimpse of us”   But why is that the glimpse of us Is painted in red but not of love   Almost as if we were Never meant to be together   Like a boomerang You came back my life   But I was still bruised by the Love you gave me before   I guess the glimpse of us That you saw in my eyes Told you to forget us And go back to you and me   The picture in red All over my head Never showed a Tint of rose   Roses are red And so is blood Pink meant love And red always hatred   Cuz every time when you look in my eyes You see a glimpse of the picture Painted in red Separating you and I   It was never us Always us Fighting for love Something we never had For each other, oh   I called you my home And you did the same But it was just a door To the unrequited love.   The glimp...

i have seen it all, The darkness lurking all around. i have experienced it all, The many wounds on my heart show it all. . Is there any love left inside of me? Am i even worthy of anything? These questions keep me awake While my tears dry up on my face. . Barren land surrounds my broken home i can’t even find a single brick of hope Tragedy fills up my eyes, While a smile covers my bleak life. . What is life without living, but a shell with nothing; Not even a life, if you ask me. . i can sense myself falling, falling, falling, falling Nothing to grab on to Nothing to live for, Except to hold on Till i stop falling one day. . Is not falling better than falling? Is life prettier if i stop falling down, ... And fall in love? . But what if   i’m incapable of love? What if life is but a lesson? What if my life was never worth anything? . All the while i fall, in the dark, dark night i wish for a star, a wish so subtle...