An Orange Cloud

  Second death It was 2am when I decided I need to let myself sleep after a long day of tomfoolery and screentime. But just then, a melody starts playing in my mind, I was writing, well, trying to write something the other night, but it didn’t feel natural like it used to; I forced myself to rhyme, it was like 2021 all over again, That frustration was let loose and words played at the back of my head. I headed for the pen and the diary beside me, Opened a page to the end of the book so I don’t write on my already vomited ink, this is what I wrote in the span of 36 minutes of writing in the dark, eyes closed, humming a forgotten song     Metaphors to carry the meaning, Simile to mirror it Reflect my experiences, Show and not tell.   Life isn’t a movie, it’s not scripted, Every action has a consequence.   May god be without you, what is a god without a witness?   Is there a being watching me, Does free will exist? ...

Trail Of Thought -49 Disassociating has been a problem for me since a few years and it got really intense in the last few months. “Dissociation is when you feel disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of who you are. It's a common response to stress or trauma and can affect anyone.” It’s the concept of feeling out of body and not feeling things in first person perspective.   For me there is this constant narrating deity in my mind that watches me from a third person view which is also visualised in my brains. Right now, I am looking at the screen but I can also visualise a view from the top corner of my room watching myself type letters into a laptop. And sometimes, I can imagine people watching me from the said view and commenting on it like one of those Korean shows.   I have already talked about this deity in a previous post, it’s hilarious if you want to help yourself. But this post is a bit different.   I’m using the word ...

  This is what I see pop at the corner of the screen when I searched for poem prompts on google. Trail Of Thoughts- 47   Nothing pisses me off more than ai trying to be creative or ‘aid’ in the creative process. When they said ai is the new future, it will be amazing for everyone, one corner of the internet convinced me it will be used for all the menial work we do in our daily lives- like dishwashing, laundry, cleaning, and more humanly dangerous jobs like mining, oil rigging, diving in deep ocean to fix submarines, solar installation etc, you get the point. Ai was brought to us as a promise to a convenient technological development. At least that’s what I was expecting.   Ai can now write you poems, stories, generate any image from a simple descriptive input. All the creative stuff that makes humans, humans can be done with a single click of prompt. And now, don’t come at me saying it takes creativity to write the prompt. What? Seriously? Look at yourself, lis...

  “There’s some life in me in the form of love for Her.” The day I stop, The life ceases to exist, While I stay alive. With void for a heart.   “Maybe I don’t deserve Her.” Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. The life in me, Was dead all along.   “It’s complete darkness.” There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, But im all curled up, With my head in my hands.   “I love Her” It’s a matter of time, or not. “She doesn’t love me”, At least not the way wish.   “My absence may not affect Her on a great level” Her presence makes the light warmer, The tunnel more lighter.   “With or without me” She can be.   But for me, the tunnel closes behind her, It is getting colder, Darker, And worthless.   “i don’t want to trouble Her” i only wish for Her happiness. There’s enough for me, In the laughs of Her with me.   Or without me.   Does it really matter?   Does my l...

Act I The mistake    “We FINALLY made it out of the group chat guys!!!” exclaims Sohan in pure joy. The trip was in the planning stage for years and it’s finally time for them to implement it. The group of six, three boys and three girls in their 20s have been friends since forever. All the families grew together except for Shourya, Shalini’s boyfriend, who was introduced to the pack few years back. Shalini wanted to wait another year before introducing him but the situation wasn’t very advantageous to her. You see, he called her at midnight on her birthday, with everyone around her. It was not a smooth night. While her parents were convinced it was just a friend, the four friends were very suspicious. Knowing she can’t get away with it with white lies, she decided to whip put a power point presentation introducing the boyfriend. Shalini decided to carefully select and highlight his good characteristics while foreshadowing his worse ones. The twins, Kruthika and Karthika gave ...

  I saw you in the clouds the other night, You were a blurry image in my eyes   I’ve seen you though a thick fog I followed you without a thought   You were leading me to nowhere And I've got no place to stay   Is this what you’ve wanted me to do? To make the grave mistake of being lured?   Is this how it’s supposed to end? Or is the something from the past?   If I could talk to old me I would not disturb the destiny I would not be me If I erased what made me, me   And what made me become the person I am ur actions and the words you pierce me through Has no definite answer, but I know you’re the wolf and I’m the lamb   I bled to the floor, into a puddle Never expected this sadness, so sudden.   Well what is sadness, if not a surprise? What is sadness if it doesn’t catch you off guard? What is sadness if not a peak-a-boo? What is sadness if not an uninvited visitor? What is sadness if...

She suddenly realised she might be alone for the rest of her life   It has been exactly a week since the funeral.   The day she found out about it, or more like was told about it, was when she was on a vacation, the corporate kind. She wanted to take a break from the soul crushing work and toxic culture of the office and this meeting with an important overseas client could not come at a better time. Being the manager for the project of the client, she was the backbone of the meeting and there was no way she can miss it. And no worries, because her bags were practically packed the day, they announced the meeting (the dates weren’t even released yet). But there was a small hurdle to pass. She needed her husband’s approval to go.   After long thoughts and few days of sleeping on it, he reluctantly said yes. She was overjoyed and extremely happy. She packed her bags and left to the airport. She was a couple of hours early, too late in Indian standards, and was bro...

  Oh captain, my captain, I see you everywhere   But I need to erase the pain, Numb it with the discomfort of freedom.   I need to dampen the spirits Steal joy like shushed laughs, Blank responses, Unprofessional show of teeth, Over explaining thoughts, Under-understanding of actions, Misinterpretation of expressions, Fumbling of well curated words, Mis-articulation of rehearsed thoughts, Choking up at the time of alarm, Freezing at the sight of fear Overtaken by fear of uncertain fear of failure.     I shut down the routes to road less taken, I shut off the demons singing poetry in my nerves, I scream at the nostalgia eating me alive, I laugh at the state of my mind I have chosen for myself.     Oh captain, my captain, What am I without my random scribbles of rhyming lines? What am I without my loud laughs at the whimsy of life? What am I without the curiosity for magic in my every day; While...