An Orange Cloud

Trail Of Thought -49 Disassociating has been a problem for me since a few years and it got really intense in the last few months. “Dissociation is when you feel disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of who you are. It's a common response to stress or trauma and can affect anyone.” It’s the concept of feeling out of body and not feeling things in first person perspective.   For me there is this constant narrating deity in my mind that watches me from a third person view which is also visualised in my brains. Right now, I am looking at the screen but I can also visualise a view from the top corner of my room watching myself type letters into a laptop. And sometimes, I can imagine people watching me from the said view and commenting on it like one of those Korean shows.   I have already talked about this deity in a previous post, it’s hilarious if you want to help yourself. But this post is a bit different.   I’m using the word ...

  I was going through my old poems and one thing caught my eye. I write a poem on every crush i've ever had since I started poetry. Sto-rini-31   Trail of Thoughts- 48 Hear me out, its just as much cringe it is to you as it is to me if not more. The fact that I would leave such apparent, obvious clues distributed evenly from beginning to end and I remember who it was about immediately, does not make me happy or proud. Well, not immediately. I would be reading a poem, clearly a poem about being heart-broken for being rejected by a love I have grown over the years with such passion unknown to the mankind and I’d leave a tiny obvious real life line and suddenly it hits me that it was about a 2 week crush on a celebrity who cameo’d in a show I was watching at the time. The heartbreak? Well, it was that he wouldn’t become a permanent cast member.   It doesn’t stop there. Back in school I had plenty of crushes, alas I was, just a teenage girl. I would read a poem ab...

  This is what I see pop at the corner of the screen when I searched for poem prompts on google. Trail Of Thoughts- 47   Nothing pisses me off more than ai trying to be creative or ‘aid’ in the creative process. When they said ai is the new future, it will be amazing for everyone, one corner of the internet convinced me it will be used for all the menial work we do in our daily lives- like dishwashing, laundry, cleaning, and more humanly dangerous jobs like mining, oil rigging, diving in deep ocean to fix submarines, solar installation etc, you get the point. Ai was brought to us as a promise to a convenient technological development. At least that’s what I was expecting.   Ai can now write you poems, stories, generate any image from a simple descriptive input. All the creative stuff that makes humans, humans can be done with a single click of prompt. And now, don’t come at me saying it takes creativity to write the prompt. What? Seriously? Look at yourself, lis...

  Trail Of Thoughts-46 Sto-rini-30 “Aren’t you bored?” my friend asked me. “Of what?” I asked curiously. They repeated, “of your life. I mean of the way you live. You go to college, study for 10-12 hours, and come back home, freshen up, watch TV for a while and go back to studying. Aren’t you bored?”   First of all, ouch.   When they said that, I thought of so many things, I got defensive. They immediately added, “don’t tell me now, tell me later after thinking about it.” They said calmly, as if they knew that I had a multi-universe moment just then. I thought about it, and then I didn’t because I had to study. The irony.   Being bored.   When they said that, the fact that they thought of it so much that they had to ask me, scared me. People around me can see me and probably think the same.   As for me, I love studying; I love the whole system of studying, teaching, exams. Call me a nerd. No buts. To make someone like me hate studying wo...

  Hello everyone, this is an poet's note on the poem from the last post in my blog. Trail of thoughts-45 The poems name is “a sad man’s love”. It is, like the title suggests, about a sad man’s love. I wrote this poem with inspiration from a friend’s 2am confession. I’ve adapted to it; any coincidence is purely coincidental. I think its in the top 3 favourite poems of all time, all-time favourite is “You’re my autumn”. Nothing can ever beat that. Anyways, this post is a deeper dive into the poem and an analysis on the metaphors I’ve used throughout the tragic poem. Welcome to poet’s note on sad man’s love.   My favourite line in the whole poem is actually not from the poem itself. It’s the after note that I wrote. This was a tiny detail that I didn’t expect many to notice, therefore I’m putting it out here. The main character will always feel small before his love interest, and the love itself. this is a sign of putting the person on a pedestal, higher than the gr...

  It’s just January  Trail Of Thoughts-44 January can be the month of optimism. It has that potential AND the advantage.   It is the beginning of the year. No one can dampen your spirits or say a word that can falter your enthusiastic looking forwardness to life. Because it IS the beginning of the year.   It is a new beginning.   The other day, I was feeling a little down on not following through on my routine I planned for myself for the year. Then it clicked. It’s just January. I still have the whole year to mess-up- I’m kidding. It’s a huge relief. It is only five days in; it is a safe space for fuk-ups and failures. It is okay.   I saw a YouTube video the other day that talked about feeling overwhelmed when starting a new thing on the account of New Year. We put resolutions- a goal- an end, and fall back on the means. It gets overwhelming. The solution was to consider short term goals, instead of long term, to get the momentum goin...

 Nostalgia is the driving force for documentation  Trail Of Thoughts-43 At least for me, it is.   Every time I pick up my camera or the camera app in my phone, I think about how cool it would seem to re-visit the memories in few years time. It’s weird to be already living in the future while not even being in the present.   When experiences already turn into memories, it feels like self-sabotage at this point. Sabotaging the sweet enjoyment of the gift of now. The idea of imagining opening a time capsule while actively being the very item in it.    It’s hard not to think of any other reason when we document a moment, freeze the time, capture the present.   Wearing the lens of a different time, trying to look at the ‘now’ with a matured feeling, while simultaneously experiencing the moment with raw emotions, freshly. This might be the opposite of overthinking with the most similarities to overthinking. The concept of overthinking is pr...

Having siblings is the weirdest thing ever. peachrinq instagram in their reel talked about it pretty well. (Exceptionally well) So well that I’m completely ditching my original post for the day and typing this on the day of posting.   Trail Of Thoughts- 42 My point is having someone living in your house, having the same parents as you, sharing half your genes (and still looking like a rat); staying in your life (not minding their own business) if you want it or not for the rest of both of your lives (fortunately), fighting you for every waking moment of their lives, with their sole purpose to embarrass you, and at the same loving you unconditionally, being unable to bear it when disrespect hits either of you from anyone (it could be your own parents), having their back even if miles apart (kilometers isn’t pretty to say in poetry) is what makes siblings weird.   Would I recommend having siblings? Well it’s not my place to say, but I’d definitely recommend it. ...