An Orange Cloud

  Second death It was 2am when I decided I need to let myself sleep after a long day of tomfoolery and screentime. But just then, a melody starts playing in my mind, I was writing, well, trying to write something the other night, but it didn’t feel natural like it used to; I forced myself to rhyme, it was like 2021 all over again, That frustration was let loose and words played at the back of my head. I headed for the pen and the diary beside me, Opened a page to the end of the book so I don’t write on my already vomited ink, this is what I wrote in the span of 36 minutes of writing in the dark, eyes closed, humming a forgotten song     Metaphors to carry the meaning, Simile to mirror it Reflect my experiences, Show and not tell.   Life isn’t a movie, it’s not scripted, Every action has a consequence.   May god be without you, what is a god without a witness?   Is there a being watching me, Does free will exist? ...

Trail Of Thought -49 Disassociating has been a problem for me since a few years and it got really intense in the last few months. “Dissociation is when you feel disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of who you are. It's a common response to stress or trauma and can affect anyone.” It’s the concept of feeling out of body and not feeling things in first person perspective.   For me there is this constant narrating deity in my mind that watches me from a third person view which is also visualised in my brains. Right now, I am looking at the screen but I can also visualise a view from the top corner of my room watching myself type letters into a laptop. And sometimes, I can imagine people watching me from the said view and commenting on it like one of those Korean shows.   I have already talked about this deity in a previous post, it’s hilarious if you want to help yourself. But this post is a bit different.   I’m using the word ...

  I saw you in the clouds the other night, You were a blurry image in my eyes   I’ve seen you though a thick fog I followed you without a thought   You were leading me to nowhere And I've got no place to stay   Is this what you’ve wanted me to do? To make the grave mistake of being lured?   Is this how it’s supposed to end? Or is the something from the past?   If I could talk to old me I would not disturb the destiny I would not be me If I erased what made me, me   And what made me become the person I am ur actions and the words you pierce me through Has no definite answer, but I know you’re the wolf and I’m the lamb   I bled to the floor, into a puddle Never expected this sadness, so sudden.   Well what is sadness, if not a surprise? What is sadness if it doesn’t catch you off guard? What is sadness if not a peak-a-boo? What is sadness if not an uninvited visitor? What is sadness if...

  Im living in minutes I look away for a while and it’s been 30 minutes   I could never look at the clock the same way For im being chased by the ghost called fast-forward It’s like my life has been taken away And im watching it as it moves forward.   Im living in minutes, It takes me 20 minutes to get a 5-min power nap.   Anything I do, the minutes pass by Without a warning, they whoosh by Im just a pedestrian in the highway of time Yet I get to the destination like I’m in f1   Im living in minutes, Until I’m doing a plank of 2 minutes, for when its 120 seconds.   It’s been just yesterday when the trees were lush, Been a minute and now it’s all branches and dust. All the flowers bloomed and bloomed No more left to colour the empty road now.   I’m living in minutes, Slots of 20 minutes, watching my favourite series.   One more episode and its 1 am, When will I ever learn my lesson? “Teaser ...

The riddle of life Sometimes I think about how some things would’ve been totally different had I took the other or different decision.   Trail Of Thoughts- 41 What if I did continue with the other school after 10 th and not chose Kv ultimately suffering whole other battles there? I wouldn’t have met and unmet the many lovely people I now know and love so deeply.   What if I chose the other CA academy? I wouldn’t have met my favourite group of people I now cherish with all my heart.   What if I never decided to write two groups of cma at once? I wouldn’t meet the amazing group of rankers I now love to talk with every day.   What if I didn’t forget to apply for registration of ITT course and registered sooner than I actually did? I wouldn’t meet my dear friend.   What if I joined the other firm for my articleship? I wouldn’t have known there are many people whom I would recognize from my previous life, if there is one. I wouldn’t have had th...

IT’S BEEN 4 YEARS SINCE I HAVE STARTED MY BLOG. ANORANGECLOUD IS CELEBRATING ITS 2 ND 3 RD BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!! (Fresh off the boat reference)   YAYY!   T rail Of Thoughts- 40   Sto-Rini-28 Like all my anniversary posts, I’d like to start with thanking my brother. I know you’re reading this and ready to text me to take it off but no, don’t even think about it. I started Anorangecloud because you suggested it. Thank you again (I’ll thank you for the rest of anorangecloud’s life).     Hello normal people. How is your life treating you these days? BORING.   Let me tell you about mine. (Also, please do share how your life’s been in the comments below or text me <3)   If you read any of my previous anniversary posts, you will know they’re a bunch of “Ten day diary” extended version. It’s a filler post, you can say. And guess what? It’s the same this year as well. Deal with it.   Welcome to my “Chit-chat with Rini because we got nothing else to do” ...

   Missing things in the way I wanna go back and relive them T rail Of Thoughts- 39 Sto-Rini-27   The other day in work, (during break time- if anyone from my work is reading) my senior was playing video games. And I, who can’t keep her eyes to herself, was watching the game play. He was playing India free fire-something, not sure. That reminded me of the time when I used to play pubg with my brother back in 2020. I told my senior the story where when my brother and i were on a jeep in the game, I accidentally threw the gr4nede on us and killed us both in that round. (Idk why my brother was reluctant playing with me after that, smh)    Anyways, that story caught his attention and I asked him if he plays gta-vice city. That game has been in my home computer for as long as I can remember. I think I remember installing it but I’m not sure, memory’s fuzzy. I was getting excited and was about to ask him about a mission in the game and he goes, “I know what you’re tal...