living in minutes

By Rini -

 


Im living in minutes

I look away for a while and it’s been 30 minutes

 

I could never look at the clock the same way

For im being chased by the ghost called fast-forward

It’s like my life has been taken away

And im watching it as it moves forward.

 

Im living in minutes,

It takes me 20 minutes to get a 5-min power nap.

 

Anything I do, the minutes pass by

Without a warning, they whoosh by

Im just a pedestrian in the highway of time

Yet I get to the destination like I’m in f1

 

Im living in minutes,

Until I’m doing a plank of 2 minutes, for when its 120 seconds.

 

It’s been just yesterday when the trees were lush,

Been a minute and now it’s all branches and dust.

All the flowers bloomed and bloomed

No more left to colour the empty road now.

 

I’m living in minutes,

Slots of 20 minutes, watching my favourite series.

 

One more episode and its 1 am,

When will I ever learn my lesson?

“Teaser 2 of Part 2 of season 2 is here”

And there I am deep in a rabbit hole, binging.

 

I’m living in minutes,

Every movement of thumb, 99% subconscious.

 

It’s scary times, scary world we live in

Some wouldn’t even make it past 2 lines in here

What a waste of time, time i could spend doomscrolling,

Rotting what little mind I have, very little indeed.

 

Im living in minutes,

Listening to a story when asked for a single word answer

 

Im living in minutes,

World stops moving forward when my thumb scrolls down the time in drain

 

Its even worse when its muscle memory and subconscious- which it is for most of the time.

Like opening instagram immediately after closing it.

 

Going through the same cycle of brain-rotting and doomscrolling

Every. Single. Day.

 

Loop will repeat

It’s a loop for damn’s sake

“When will you ever change?”

The audience of the movie of your life scream

As you lead life- nay exist in flesh and bones

Rather than live life like you are meant to

 

As humans.

 

Remind yourself that you are a human,

Not a machine,

Not just flesh and bones,

A human.

 

Be better,

Live life in seconds,

Not in minutes,

Because there will not be a second one.

 

 

 

 

 

-human trying to live

 

 

Yours lovingly,

Yourorangecloud,

Teen for only 5 more days.

 

 

 

I love you, thank you for reading till the end.

 

Have a great February ahead, the ‘month of love’! Tell your parents and siblings you love them, tell yourself you love yourself. Appreciate your friends, have a great time living.

 

 

 


 

 

TDD: Ten Day Diary

In the last TDD I mentioned I was reading a book. Well, I completed the book the very day I posted. The twist was EVERYTHING. ILOVEDITSM!!!!! It was insane, my jaw on the floor, my eyes wide, my hands on my head- a complete bewildered moment.

 

And guess what? I started another one of the author, this time the first book of the series. Im so glad they’re stand alone with just the characters recurring. I love that for me and the author too ig.

 

 

February feels fast for some reason. It’s already 10th. Wow.

Hoping to live in seconds so I can savour the sunsets more. The leaves are completely gone in my neighborly tree. The leaves are a beautiful burgundy red. Beautiful, I swear.

 

Ive been watching schitt’s creek and dare I say it’s the best comedy series ever? IT IS SOOOOO GOOD. SOOOOOOOOOOO funny. I SWEAR. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!! Its so sad that its only 6 seasons L

I started a new project. And the first thing I felt after the excitement died was embarrassment. I hated feeling that emotion. It’s so embarrassing to feel embarrassed. I don’t understand. I’ll write about it once the fog clears, or maybe it’ll clear when I write through the said fog. Who’s to know? (me).

 

I love you; share your February-so-far in the comments below.

 

Okay bye!!!

 

Comments

Post a Comment

my popular posts!!

missing

By Rini -
   Missing things in the way I wanna go back and relive them T rail Of Thoughts- 39 Sto-Rini-27   The other day in work, (during break time- if anyone from my work is reading) my senior was playing video games. And I, who can’t keep her eyes to herself, was watching the game play. He was playing India free fire-something, not sure. That reminded me of the time when I used to play pubg with my brother back in 2020. I told my senior the story where when my brother and i were on a jeep in the game, I accidentally threw the gr4nede on us and killed us both in that round. (Idk why my brother was reluctant playing with me after that, smh)    Anyways, that story caught his attention and I asked him if he plays gta-vice city. That game has been in my home computer for as long as I can remember. I think I remember installing it but I’m not sure, memory’s fuzzy. I was getting excited and was about to ask him about a mission in the game and he goes, “I know what you’re tal...
Read more!

maths is interesting

By Rini -
Trail Of Thoughts- 13 (the devil number indeed)     If you ever attended a maths class (trying to keep it extremely general), you may have noticed the alphabets come to play as you study higher.   One thing I noticed that was quite peculiar is that, the first few letters are considered to be constants and the last letters as variables. This made me think. How the humans are connected to maths and its beautiful language. Human life. The first few years of all humans are basically constant. They are all cute, adorable (and annoying). As life goes by, the humans change. They don’t stay constant anymore. As they say, change is the only constant, the humans change so much in the course of their life that at the end of it, they are variables. They change all the time.   Their values change according to the equation they are in. In the sense, the situation, place, and phase. People’s values change.   I learnt two things here. We can choose our own equation and consider...
Read more!

the misery i dont despise

By Rini -
Sometimes I wish that I can just lay on my bed, cry about all my problems, right from the beginning like when my dad tricked me into eating my jalebi when I was like 3 to the unhappened future events like being on my deathbed with my husband on my side in the hospital bed weeping as I take my last breath. I like doing that.   The misery I don’t despise.   That feeling of melancholy that brings me closer to the box I filled with emotions and shut close could be days ago, or even years in the past. That feeling of being wrapped around with a warm heavy blanket even on a sunny day with fan on full speed and AC on blast.   Sometimes I wish to take comfort in the sadness that washes over me due to a tiny conflict.     I wish to be covered with dark grey clouds ready to storm all over my mind.   I wish to stay in a dark blue walled hotel room, with paintings of pretty little flowers not yet ready to bloom, with waterfalls, not so glory when lo...
Read more!

an umbrella

By Rini -
Trail Of Thoughts- 12 Its rainy season and it’s only fair to use an umbrella now. I carry my umbrella everywhere in case it starts pouring, hard. But sometimes I want to carry it even if the forecast shows clear skies for hours; in fact, I want to use it even during the ‘clear skies’.   Why, you ask. Number of reasons crossed my mind and stayed above like a cloud ready to p1ss. I’ll tell you why.   Umbrellas help me. They help me hide from people I don’t wanna talk or look at. Yes, yes, im an extrovert but sometimes I need some alone time as well, some time to reflect on myself. for e.g., realize how rude I was to a student, how I could’ve offended someone with a ‘funny’ joke, how I could’ve just kept my mouth shut at some point, how I could’ve just walked out but decided to stay and watch the disaster unfold itself- you get it.   It’s more like im exhausted than being defensive.   It’s like an artificial block from people. I can lower the umbrella, as the saying goe...
Read more!

eternity for love

By Rini -
 TW: mentions of d34th, reincarnation and love. Trail Of Thoughts-38 What if you fall in love with an immortal and now you are left with a choice, 1.     Leave your life behind, become immortal and rule the Kingdom with the love of your life forever more (literally). Watch your loved ones from earth all d1e and reincarnate. 2.       Live with your love for as little as human’s existence and leave your love to be alone for the eternity of their life. Rose from B eauty And The Beast What if it becomes true? When we say I love you forever Do we mean forever or Just days till the love ends?   When we say I would d?e for you Do we mean to sacrifice or Just dying with them together?   When we say I will wait an eternity for you Do we actually mean it?     The idea of living forever will always haunt me. Sometimes the beauty of things is that it ends. I’d much rather be nostalgic and sad than live the...
Read more!