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parasite

By Rini -
  I think I’m a parasite I’d be good at everything you want me to be   If I try my level best I’d be able to accomplish   But what do I really want to be doing? What do I want to be, truly speaking?   If I try, I can do it But do I really wanna do it What if I don’t like it After I complete it? What if my life in this Would be favourless ? What if I try my best Just for it to be hated By me in the future? And the future’s so near.   If I try, I’ll be who you want me to be But what if it’s not what I want   What if I don’t need a stable bridge What if I’m truly adventurous What if I want to have fun?   Sitting behind a desk Typing jumbled letters With more jumbled ones What if this is what I want?   Behind the screen With slow music feels With an half eaten chocolate And friends few texts away With pens all around the table And half eaten snacks beside ‘em And opened te...
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missing

By Rini -
   Missing things in the way I wanna go back and relive them T rail Of Thoughts- 39 Sto-Rini-27   The other day in work, (during break time- if anyone from my work is reading) my senior was playing video games. And I, who can’t keep her eyes to herself, was watching the game play. He was playing India free fire-something, not sure. That reminded me of the time when I used to play pubg with my brother back in 2020. I told my senior the story where when my brother and i were on a jeep in the game, I accidentally threw the gr4nede on us and killed us both in that round. (Idk why my brother was reluctant playing with me after that, smh)    Anyways, that story caught his attention and I asked him if he plays gta-vice city. That game has been in my home computer for as long as I can remember. I think I remember installing it but I’m not sure, memory’s fuzzy. I was getting excited and was about to ask him about a mission in the game and he goes, “I know what you’re tal...
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sibling- chaoscore

By Rini -
Having siblings is the weirdest thing ever. peachrinq instagram in their reel talked about it pretty well. (Exceptionally well) So well that I’m completely ditching my original post for the day and typing this on the day of posting.   Trail Of Thoughts- 42 My point is having someone living in your house, having the same parents as you, sharing half your genes (and still looking like a rat); staying in your life (not minding their own business) if you want it or not for the rest of both of your lives (fortunately), fighting you for every waking moment of their lives, with their sole purpose to embarrass you, and at the same loving you unconditionally, being unable to bear it when disrespect hits either of you from anyone (it could be your own parents), having their back even if miles apart (kilometers isn’t pretty to say in poetry) is what makes siblings weird.   Would I recommend having siblings? Well it’s not my place to say, but I’d definitely recommend it. ...
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the misery i dont despise

By Rini -
Sometimes I wish that I can just lay on my bed, cry about all my problems, right from the beginning like when my dad tricked me into eating my jalebi when I was like 3 to the unhappened future events like being on my deathbed with my husband on my side in the hospital bed weeping as I take my last breath. I like doing that.   The misery I don’t despise.   That feeling of melancholy that brings me closer to the box I filled with emotions and shut close could be days ago, or even years in the past. That feeling of being wrapped around with a warm heavy blanket even on a sunny day with fan on full speed and AC on blast.   Sometimes I wish to take comfort in the sadness that washes over me due to a tiny conflict.     I wish to be covered with dark grey clouds ready to storm all over my mind.   I wish to stay in a dark blue walled hotel room, with paintings of pretty little flowers not yet ready to bloom, with waterfalls, not so glory when lo...
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apologies

By Rini -
 Before I say anything, I’m sorry. My last post has been on 20th august, well actually I removed my last post on 20th so technically; my last post has been on 10th august. It’s been 40 days since I have last updated my blog. Feels realllllly weird but ig the jinx finally caught on.  I kept thinking the main goal in a blog is consistency but when the quantity is prioritized over quality, the passion for the act fades away quicker. The pressure to catch on, the ticking clock as it hits 12am every 10 days was getting under my skin. I used to look forward to posting and sharing my poems and thoughts but lately it became all about just posting. Without any real idea or thought. In the words of an anonymous commenter on my most interesting blog post in a while I need to “post something interesting”. That stung. A bit. No, actually a bit more than I would like to admit. It came to this point where telling people I had a blog felt more exciting than actually posting in it which is so ...
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