aren't you bored?

 

Trail Of Thoughts-46

Sto-rini-30

“Aren’t you bored?” my friend asked me. “Of what?” I asked curiously. They repeated, “of your life. I mean of the way you live. You go to college, study for 10-12 hours, and come back home, freshen up, watch TV for a while and go back to studying. Aren’t you bored?”

 

First of all, ouch.

 

When they said that, I thought of so many things, I got defensive. They immediately added, “don’t tell me now, tell me later after thinking about it.” They said calmly, as if they knew that I had a multi-universe moment just then. I thought about it, and then I didn’t because I had to study. The irony.

 

Being bored.

 

When they said that, the fact that they thought of it so much that they had to ask me, scared me. People around me can see me and probably think the same.

 

As for me, I love studying; I love the whole system of studying, teaching, exams. Call me a nerd. No buts. To make someone like me hate studying would take a lot of effort and my college runs a whole business doing that.

 

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I wrote this in 2024 studying for my CA inter and CMA inter exams like a robot. I was so into it, I didn’t mind the hours of investment into finance, though theoretical, to pass my exams. Very anti-climatic but not all cinema is good cinema. not to mention I passed the exams. So that was good investment ig.

 

Coming to this post a couple of years later, reading that smug comment about no one can make me hate studying, I might have jinxed it. It has now come to bite me in the back.

 

The title does make me wonder. ‘was I bored?’ I never got to answer the poor guy and ig I didn’t answer myself. Because, I didn’t know. Books were my world, not the fun fictional ones, the big, fat, problematic, course ones. And I genuinely loved studying and I kept telling myself I wasn’t bored. I was not bored in the way I didn’t have the time to reflect on the topic. I didn’t have a single window of time where I sat there all alone with all my assignments finished, all classes up-to-date with additional practice questions all worked out- to be bored.

 

But now I wish I was bored- in a way I had something else to think about other than the 5 feet tower of books in my cupboard. Each and every book has been read, highlighted, written over, pencil marks everywhere, funny doodles all over them. It was not a waste of books, nor was it a waste of time. Studying is never a waste of time for me. Like they say, ‘Only A Slave Measures Their Worth By Their Productivity’. And I’m a slave of academic validation.

 

 

The phrase “are you bored, yet” felt so silly to me back then. I’m studying more than half a day, why should I be bored and waste my time on non-productive thing? Would probably be my first thought. Defensiveness.

 

Oh and I found the gist of my thoughts at the end of the word doc that I only found out now after getting to this part of the article:

 

My answer to the question would be, no I’m not bored. I’m too burnt-out to be bored of what I’m doing. I think this would be subjective. The way I was raised, the things I was preached and taught would tell me otherwise. All my teachers would speak about this time of their life as somewhat dark or jiffy. There are two kinds. One would say it went by a flash and other would say it was the darkest moments of their life.

The thing is, in the path I’m going, this is common for all. Everyone in my stream faces this way; we just don’t let it get to our heads.

 

 

Dark, really.

 

 

You see, I sometimes write the paraphrased version of my thoughts in the doc when I’m too busy to type it all out but most of the times (all the time), I forget it exists and never get the essence of the title and leave it by till I have nothing new to write and have to dust the cobwebs in the ‘to type’ folder (like im doing now).

It makes perfect sense that I did the same here. I was too busy studying to write up a full fledged post. Uhhhhh, on this topic I mean.

 

 

Anyways, back to the topic.

 

I wish I get bored. In a way I don’t feel guilty about it. Im trying to unlearn my toxic productive traits but procrastination led me to postpone that as well. Its all a journey.

I used to love studying and I want to stay curious. But things are a bit different now. I miss when studying was my only job. Now I get all the adults that told me to enjoy my student life.

But as we grow, we need to embrace all the phases of life.

 

Thankyou for being here with me

 

I want all of us to be able to have the luxury to be bored and not do anything, yet feel no guilt towards the ‘wasted’ time. Alas, time is but an illusion.

 

 

Be bored, fight temporary dopamine, stay curious.

 

Thankyou.

Yours lovingly,

Yourorangecloud.

 

 

TDD: Ten Day Diary

The last we talked; I was in a very bad phase. I feel better now, things haven’t changed but my perspective did.

 

I’ve decided on what I want to ask if a genie shows up, feel free to be inspired

“I wish to lead a life with hormonally balanced menstruation cycle with cramp-free periods where bleeding is voluntary that doesn’t affect, in any way, my overall physical and mental health or my fertility, continuing after my menopause till my death.”

I would trade all the three wishes for this one wish in a heartbeat.

 

Anyways, have a great week ladies; and I hope your day sucks, men.

 

Im kidding im kidding,

I hope your whole weeks sucks, men.

 

Jkjk

 

Have a great week, everyone.

 

Love you.

Thankyou for being here.