An Orange Cloud

Trail Of Thoughts- 16 Sto-rini - 10 Ok so to write this post I read my previous year post. And I noticed a few things: 1. I was a tad bit cringe 2. I had a resolution for 2022 3. I thought all my problems were solved just cuz I made friends 4. I talked mostly about what I did in the last couple of years.   So here is what we will do now. I will tell you everything about my life in 2022 (like a recap/ wrapped), so sit back and judge me!   Let me address the elephant in the room, what was my resolution for 2022? It was to work on my emotions. I used to force myself into thinking I was a robot with a metal heart (Emo era). And then I decided that it ought to change (post emo era). I think I’m still working on them. Well, better than before at least. I have a list of achievements and failures rn but I will only highlight my fails because it’s fun. 1.        Being a bad friend – insensitive to people that care about me and also a little selfish. 2.        Worrying too little

Trail Of Thoughts- 15 These days I’ve been listening to particular songs on repeat for hours together. It’s like I don’t want to change and stay on loop. Well change is inevitable anyways, so why change something I can control. That worried me a bit. Am I not adjusting to change?  Is this a kind of escape I so want? Or am I just reading too much into a simple song I love. Just as I was thinking about how I may not be suitable to this ever changing world, Spotify released its ‘Spotify Wrapped’.   It was quite exciting to be honest, to have a sneak peek of my music journey in this speed of light year. Can we just stop and take a deep breath and realize its December already? I’m not going to try to be cliché and say stuff like “it was just yesterday I remember cutting the cake that had ‘happy new year 2022’ on it and that dramatic sign that read ‘bye bye 2021, welcome 2022’” but hear me out. I joined 12 th class this year march. And I had my summer vacay for a lovely 50 days and I had mo

I just watched this video  titled, ‘The Psychology of the Man-Child (Puer Aeternus)’ by ‘Eternalised’ and this is everything that went in my mind after watching it.   Trail Of Thoughts - 14     It’s about people who don’t live life but live in their imaginary reality rather than the real one. They build air castles but do not act upon it. They are lazy and have tasks in their to-do list but don’t work which eventually makes them unsuccessful despite their talents and creativity. I describe that person in the video as a pessimist who does as little as work physically for the future in the reality but more mentally in the future of ‘his’ reality.   It is also about not using your creativity in the right way. It’s about living the life the child in you wants or wanted. It’s not just about rationality but to live with others and not just in your mind. It’s about living with others, humans, people and at the same time making sure you don’t get lost in them, with them. Have individuality but

Trail Of Thoughts- 13 (the devil number indeed)     If you ever attended a maths class (trying to keep it extremely general), you may have noticed the alphabets come to play as you study higher.   One thing I noticed that was quite peculiar is that, the first few letters are considered to be constants and the last letters as variables. This made me think. How the humans are connected to maths and its beautiful language. Human life. The first few years of all humans are basically constant. They are all cute, adorable (and annoying). As life goes by, the humans change. They don’t stay constant anymore. As they say, change is the only constant, the humans change so much in the course of their life that at the end of it, they are variables. They change all the time.   Their values change according to the equation they are in. In the sense, the situation, place, and phase. People’s values change.   I learnt two things here. We can choose our own equation and consider our worth based on the

We all feel burnt-out at some point in our lives. And this is my story of the most burnout I’ve ever been/felt. (whichever is grammatically right.)     Sto-rini- 9     Usually I’d feel burnt-out after a long day and that’s one kind for me. But this, this is fairy new to me. I am so burnt-out that even this unproductiveness is not affecting me. Usually I’d freak out about not being productive enough even during the phase. But this time, I’m just accepting that I need a break.   Too much pressure would break the crayons and I’m not talking about just crayons rn. So I decided to pause it all this time.   Wanna know what I did instead of freaking out? I decided to draw. I drew some stuff then I found a colouring book and coloured some pages of rainbow laddoos and funky ganesha. I need better colouring books. Then I took a break and did some skincare. A facemask. Then I slept for so long, peaceful. Then I sat before my computer and started doing something productive and suddenly it stopped

Trail Of Thoughts- 12 Its rainy season and it’s only fair to use an umbrella now. I carry my umbrella everywhere in case it starts pouring, hard. But sometimes I want to carry it even if the forecast shows clear skies for hours; in fact, I want to use it even during the ‘clear skies’.   Why, you ask. Number of reasons crossed my mind and stayed above like a cloud ready to p1ss. I’ll tell you why.   Umbrellas help me. They help me hide from people I don’t wanna talk or look at. Yes, yes, im an extrovert but sometimes I need some alone time as well, some time to reflect on myself. for e.g., realize how rude I was to a student, how I could’ve offended someone with a ‘funny’ joke, how I could’ve just kept my mouth shut at some point, how I could’ve just walked out but decided to stay and watch the disaster unfold itself- you get it.   It’s more like im exhausted than being defensive.   It’s like an artificial block from people. I can lower the umbrella, as the saying goes, ‘cat closes its

DESCLAMIER; before writing this, I didn’t even bother to research about any kind. Only the names of certain people and some songs. This series is called ‘trail of thoughts’ for a reason because these are my thoughts generated by my brain and not by feeding the Google info. I'm solely speaking my thoughts. Or say typing my mind onto this document. (OR you can say I’m too lazy to browse)     Trail Of Thoughts - 11   I wish to write a poem that becomes quite popular that a singer picks it up and thinks to themselves, “Damn this cool, imma sing it”. And it becomes so popular and both the singer and I get popularity. Seems familiar? Yes I’m talking about arctic monkeys’ song “I wanna be yours’ which was originally a work of John Cooper Clarke.   I loved the two lines in this song that go,   “Secrets I have held in my heart, Are harder to hide than I thought”   These two lines have been playing non-stop in one of the opened tabs in my brain. I can’t seem to find the tab but the fact is t

  You’re my comfy zone The place I’d run to As soon as I reach home   You are my prize For the day’s work   You’re the daisy In my bouquet of roses   You’re the cool breeze On a hot summer day   You’re the hot cocoa On a cold night   You’re the movie night On a hard earned weekend   You’re the brownie edge So rich of chocolate   You’re the heart shaped cloud In the sky full of birds and rainbow   You’re the satisfying tape pull after a painting Filled with peach, pink, orange All my favourite colours   You’re the rain patter As I relax with a book   You’re the satisfaction I get When I complete a tough sum   You’re the ‘hence proved’ At the end of a difficult question   You’re the last minute idea That saves the whole plan   You’re the glow in dark patterns That gives me little joy   You’re the pole star In my night sky   You’re the chocolate ice-cream In the butterscotch stash   You’re the Netflix show That makes me laugh so much   You’re the Barbie movie That inspired me so much   Yo

  Having a crush in a long time Felt like cloud 9 Didn’t want to take this To the next year Wanted to confess To not leave any regrets   I'm proud I did it I'm happy I was 99% sure It would be a negative response   My calculations were right I failed my crush the same night But I didn’t cry At least I tried   We talked and decided To be friends and ended The convo and I was Surprised how well it went   A thought deep inside Humiliated my mind I failed my experiment Yes, it was just an experiment   Brain-washed into a mad scientist Made me believe all that shit   But was it really just an experiment? To experience new feelings? I'm not really sure and honestly I don’t wanna think about it   But I should, because, I don’t know? I'm not sure I need some time To think about that night   I have a few things I need to do Before I make up my mind I need to process my feelings And trust me it’s a difficult task   Hours of thinking No, over-thinking One time I'm meeting you

This one comes with a story. 1+1 combo! Make sure to read it.  Sto-rini - 8 “Why’d you ditch the colours?” Asked my English teacher. I said what’s the use of colouring The world, its so monochromatic   She scoffed and said that is why. But I think it doesn’t work like that. A single person can’t colour the world It will take him his whole life for that.   Just accept it, embrace it. Don’t try to change it. Sometimes the colours are confusing, Just leave it monochromatic.   Let's say we spread the colours, They become white after all, After we mix them all. So what's the use? Just leave it white.   Now I know why white is peace Because its all colours mixed Everyone together Is what peace is after all.   A lot of colours Makes my eyes sore.   Is it just me? Am I the wrong one? Or am I the only Who is speaking their mind? But I just begun I have a lot more to say before I die.   A lot more to write A lot more to erase.   Wish I had an eraser That wipes off the colour Off a place,