do i like cry now?

 Having a crush in a long time
Felt like cloud 9
Didn’t want to take this
To the next year
Wanted to confess
To not leave any regrets
 
I'm proud I did it
I'm happy
I was 99% sure
It would be a negative response
 
My calculations were right
I failed my crush the same night
But I didn’t cry
At least I tried
 
We talked and decided
To be friends and ended
The convo and I was
Surprised how well it went
 
A thought deep inside
Humiliated my mind
I failed my experiment
Yes, it was just an experiment
 
Brain-washed into a mad scientist
Made me believe all that shit
 
But was it really just an experiment?
To experience new feelings?
I'm not really sure and honestly
I don’t wanna think about it
 
But I should, because,
I don’t know? I'm not sure
I need some time
To think about that night
 
I have a few things I need to do
Before I make up my mind
I need to process my feelings
And trust me it’s a difficult task
 
Hours of thinking
No, over-thinking
One time I'm meeting you
One time I'm burying you
 
I decided I have to cry
But it wasn't easy, the tears didn't arrive
 
Maybe this alone wasn't enough for me to shed tears
Maybe I need something more, something more painful
 
Just as I close my eyes,
All the memories filled up my mind
 
How I liked you
How I texted you
How I started the convo
How I thought you were my home
 
Everything was what I did
You did nothing
 
Now i could taste the salt water
But i couldn't cry a drop more
Not a minute longer
Just a bit and that's it

~The End~

life is weird when it gets predictable.

sooo what are your thoughts on this one? hope you like it.

mind you, I wrote this in Jan 2022. 

ok a bit about the poem; I may seem weird for the 'experiment' thingy. but that's actually true. my mind went on full defense mode when I got rejected and couldn't handle the 'humiliation' that it came up with. my mind became a base for a mad scientist and let it take over. 

I'm proud to say I'm better now and the mad scientist is gone for good. and I'm actually good friends with that person now. 

thanks for readingg! 

see you next time!

until then, byeee

love, 

Rini.

TDD-heyyy. so the last ten days have been weirdly fun. weird because we had extra classes during holidays and fun because it was mathsss. (told you I love maths). and also Dussehra happened. I wore a short dress and took so many pictures (so many for a dress that I actually cried in). I'm growing (emotionally; physically I have no chance :) )

one more interesting thing is that i finally decorated my room. the wall only, for now. artificial money plant and lots of photos. i worked on it the whole sunday. no regrets. i put up 44 pictures and wrote poems for 30 of them. it has only 7 pictures without me; 4 of them being scenery and three of them being my family's solo shots. 

ahhh im soooo happy the way it turned out!!!

hope it doesnt fall down. 

ok byeeee, hope you a great week ahead!

love youu.