An Orange Cloud

February, 2023     I’m drowning in my pills The water is my tears   I’m swimming in the red pool I regret cutting like a fool   2019 was a nightmare I wish I could forget that   I still remember that phase When I wished I didn’t exist   2020 was nothing better I thought I’d cope up but was hopeless   I was deeper in the well I was only sinking deeper   The red got redder My eyes wetter The place darker My sky clouded   I prayed to even see a flower In the garden of my graveyard   I watered with my tears I waited for it to sprout   Little did I know That the king gave me a dummy   It used to be bad But it only got worse ‘Time heals’ they say But the same time kills Even the sun rays   When I least expected it Everything went down the hill It’s like they’re planning for my doomsday But I am not even away       ...

Trembling hands holding a pen Trying to answer a question   I see the first question My mind goes blank With white face and black pen Flashbacks about every time I slacked   I remember nothing It’s like I have been re-programmed No formulae, no concept No idea why im here   I try to wake up from the paralysis Clicking sounds, it’s been fifteen minutes I try to collect myself For I feel fragmented   I turn the pages in frantic In the unknown I want to find it Find something familiar Something I can do without fear   Blurred vision Perspiration Too hot for a jacket Too cold without one   I look around in anxiety Doing the sums like its nothing Using their brain as a calculator Writing the exam they prepared for   Wait prepared for? I look at the heading in bold “JEE Advance” But I study commerce!

  If every time we kiss, we forget I’d kiss you a million times Because then, I can fall in love with you a million times.   Maybe a million and one. But it’d be sad, To take something romantic And turn it into an end.   A kiss to forget is a curse, Or a blessing in disguise.   To kiss you would mean the world to me But after, you’re just another human being.   All the efforts you’d take So I’d fall in love with you Would all be worth, Once I become your world. (Again)   A kiss to forget Is definitely not an end. Because we will learn to love In many other ways.   A kiss to forget, But not an end. I would magically remember Everything one day.   And that day, darling Is when everything falls together.   It is when I fall for you All over again, one last time.   And that is the million And first time.   But you, my love, Have been in love With me, for...

  Heyyyy!!   The title may seem a bit absurd so let me explain. In 2021, when I first started this blog, I typed out a post talking about the year 2021 as a tribute to the year to post on December 30th 2021. And what did I title it? “Minus one year till the end of the world”. It was really funny, back then I was obsessed with apocalypse, existential crisis and world-ending stuff, I still am. So that felt super appropriate and it’s like letting people know that it’s been a year! And I did the same in 2022 as well, and thought to myself, ok so this is a tradition.   And two years later, we are here, minus 3 years till the end of the world! Trail Of Thoughts- 26 Sto-rini- 19   For all the newcomers, in this post I will be talking about a whole bunch of stuff. I will answer some questions I had for myself last year and see if any of the predictions came true. And at the end, we will be leaving some more questions and predictions for 2024 December Rini to laug...

  Living in the borders.   Trail Of Thoughts- 25   In my old house, if you ask me where I lived, I could, without skipping a beat, could say a definite place. Like, yes I live in town x! That’s where I live. But ever since I moved to the new house, I literally cannot do so.   Let me explain. Initially, I thought I lived in town ‘A’. That’s what I’ve been telling people. “Near this landmark, I live in town ‘A’.”   But one day, when I placed an order, the app said that I was actually in town ‘B’. It’s been what, 3 months? All this time when I thought I lived in ‘A’, I have been living in ‘B’? I was shook. But that is not the end. It was town ‘C’ in another app.   It is so confusing. Not even 3 kilometers away, my college is in a different town. One km away on my left, it’s a different town. I km to my back, guess what? A whole another town!   It is like I am living in the borders of MANY areas. Like the North Korea-South Korea b...

  Safe to say I just went over my last year’s post about this very topic and now I feel influenced. But I promise I’ll try my best to get you in my head.     Trail of thoughts- 24       This year was the best. I loved it so much. Many great things happened in this year. But we will not talk about that today.   Spotify released it’s much awaited wrapped and safe to say, I didn’t hate it. It’s so ironical though. Last time I thought I didn’t change at all and how change is the only constant. But at the end of the day, I was proved wrong.   Spotify wrapped told me that I was an adventured and that I explored many new genres. That I was a true explorer. “I was told I was an explorer when I felt like a hobbit.”- me last year. I legit thought I was being static but turns out I was more dynamic than ever.   But this year was different. Very different.   Let me cut to chase, spotify called me a “time traveler”, pret...

He is always saying that they have nothing in common but she, a sitcom addict, says that’s where magic happens.   Trail of thoughts- 23 When people are different, there is space between their hearts. One can say that their love for each other and them as a whole is common enough. But she says that the bridge that connects their soul is built by them with their own minds and hands. “If we have nothing in common, so be it. We can do or create hobbies that both of us can enjoy doing together”.   Maybe just love is enough, but are you sure?   He loves watching movies and series. He loves re-watching his favourites. She passes her time watching 20 minute recap of famous movies. She thinks movies today are lengthy without a story.   So, he made it his life’s mission to narrate her movies he watched, re-watched and loved so far. That works for both of them.   She loves writing. She writes poetry and sometimes stories. When she asks him to read th...