chapter 9 of i can't sing

 

Chapter 9

 

 

“Why do you even care, Aditya?” Nakshatra huffs at me, barely reaching my shoulders. I stand there in shock, towering over her, my eyes wide, brows scrunching in disbelief.

 

‘Why do I care? What do you mean why do I care, Nakshatra?’

 

My fists clench on either side of my body. My breath catches.

 

‘Of all the things you could say, you’re asking me if I care?

 

Let me remind you one thing, Nakshatra. Every single day for the past year, we have been walking to school TOGETHER. And I know you wait for me so we can go together. We always walk together. Usually we would talk or I’d be listening to music while you speed walk with me; we do it nonetheless.

 

But today, you just randomly decided not to walk with me? When I was passing by your home, I glanced out of habit and didn’t see you outside like usual; many reasons for your being late rushed in my mind. I thought maybe you overslept, or you got sick which honestly worried me. But then I came to school and saw you sitting in your class, completely unaffected by the the storm of panic that wrecked me when I thought you were sick.

 

And you’re asking me if I care?

 

How am I supposed to predict that you would be early today? But you were. This is impossible for someone as tardy as you. Because I have seen you rush out of your house often. Sometimes, you come running out of your home toward me, your hair undone, flowing with the breeze—so effortlessly beautiful—just to walk by my side, your short legs struggling to match my pace.

 

But that’s not the point. You ask me if I care?

 

The whole day, I was worried sick about you! And you just show up before me, apparently earlier than me. That sounds undoable with everything I know about you, and I know you’re not early unless you really want to be. And you just decided one day that you will be early and not tell me.

 

Now you’re asking me if I care?

 

On top of this, the entire day my heart has been doing this really weird thing where it beats out of sync every time I make eye contact with you. I don’t know what’s happening with me! I have no idea. And I was really worried when you rushed to the washroom in the lunch break; my earlier assumptions about your sickness came in, my heart sank.

 

I asked you again and again and every time you found a way to escape my words, escape ME, AVOID me basically, you’ve left me in the cold.

 

All I wanted to know- all I was curious about- was why you were early. Is that too much to ask?

 

And now you are asking me if I care.

 

How is this fair, Nakshatra? How?

 

I don’t think it is fair at all.

 

And somehow I think that YOU yourself don’t know the answer to my question I’ve been asking you the whole day and that is why you’ve strategically planned to escape the situation every chance you get. You’ve not only avoided answering me but Nakshatra, I think you’re avoiding answering yourself.’

 

Silence.

 

Nakshatra waves her hand before my face with a confusion written all over her face. “You okay?” she says sounding cautious with a bit of concern. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Huh? That’s when I realize. I haven’t said a single word.

 

Not a single word.

 

“Hey umm, we have to go.” Nakshatra remarks looking at her wrist watch.

 

“Yes.” I don’t know what else to say. What the heck just happened to me?

 

 

I'm in a blank the whole way to the auditorium. My heart beats faster every time she looks back at me, which was exactly 3.5 times. The .5? She side-eyed me. She thinks I’m some sort of a lunatic. It’s like that one time I was deep in my ted-talk when ‘apparently’ she called me twice. But I only heard her once she came in front of me. I don’t know man.

 

And just like that it’s social class time. We were so lucky sir didn’t say anything to us and let us in. Rahul saved me a seat at the back, I joined him. He was smirking the whole time, only making me more annoyed.

 

“What happened?” Rahul asks like a sly dog. He is the only guy in school that I actually like to be friends with. We may seem different but we got closer with some business transactions. You see, Rahul has a long distance girlfriend. Three years ago, 2 weeks before valentines, he came to me during lunch and asked for a favour. He made it clear to make it a barter deal. I still remember that conversation like it was yesterday, “I need your vocals to sing my lyrics. No more questions. The barter deal is I will let you copy my math homework, I noticed your marks in maths, and in simple terms, they suck. Deal?” I couldn’t say no. he stepped on my weakness. I hate maths. I was never good at it ever since my 2^nd class math ma’am made me insecure about my mumbling in front of the whole class. Ya, I’m petty like that. Anyways, I sang his little song and he gave me his homework for a few weeks. But the teacher got doubtful, because I was doing homework well but my marks were still low. So this time, I asked him for a favour, to tutor me math. Topping maths was not my intention. I just wanted B or A- so my dad won’t have another reason to k1ll me. His tutoring worked, and so did my singing. He was not a great poet, he makes silly little poems, and his girlfriend is head over heels for him and loves them. He surprises her with my singing. This one time he called in a favour to learn piano. He wanted to play for her, and play he did. He comes to our house often. He is the only friend my parents know. They seem happier to see him than me often times.

 

“Nothing. What would even happen?” I saw nonchalantly while trying to focus on industrial revolution and what not. I don’t hate history, it’s very scoring if you know how to form sentences and have common sense. Though the latter seems like a rare trait, it still exists.

 

“Huhhhh. Don’t try to lie to me idiot. Just because I came in afternoon today, doesn’t mean you can keep avoiding me the whole day. Something happened today. I hate that it was today, the only day I overslept like an idiot.”

 

I snicker at the last sentence because that happens every other week. Rahul takes offence for it and punches my shoulder lightly. I smile. I hear a light chuckle. I follow the sound and Ba-dum it was her. She did the little chuckle. Ba-dum. Was she looking at me the whole time? Ba-dum. She is looking at me. Ba-dum. Why is she looking at me like that, like so effortlessly beautiful, how can she sit there and be so beautiful? Ba-dum. Why is she so beautiful? Ba-dum. And more importantly, why can’t I LOOK AWAY?

 

 

 

And the drama continues...