An Orange Cloud

I feel sick Again.   The weather changed Again.   I got tired of life Again.   I cant sleep Again.   I cant focus Again.   I cant walk   I cant breathe   I cant talk   I cant stop                                                                           zoning out Again.   I cant not forget   I cant not not remember   I cant not be sad   I think and feel and its                 All very tedious       I think again   I forg...

  1-2-22 Cute, smart and pretty That’s how people describe me It just makes me sad how people Don’t compliment my personality   It’s depressing. Maybe there isn’t anything To compliment about me, Other than my beauty.   I honestly don’t think I’m beautiful I’m a shallow person with depression I am not emotionally stable And definitely not mentally   Hoped things would change By the coming days.     My first day at my new school Turned out to bring my worst Insecurities out to the front When I met you.   I met you And I could feel The jealousy in me brew And I hated you.   You were so cheerful and friendly You made me smile so quickly With your charming personality I liked you more than me   I forgot my worries When I was with you.   I never really hated you I hated you because I couldn’t be you I just couldn’t admit that I hated me So I blamed you for everyth...

  Heyyy!! Sooo, it’s been exactly 2 years since I started this blog. 2 WHOLE YEARS. Where did all the time go?   Sto-rini- 16 Trail Of Thoughts- 20 I remember being so uncertain about this yet so confident. Uncertain because I know I won’t get many views and confident because I can do whatever I want since I won’t get many views. Well that wasn’t the case after all. In the 2 years of posting I have gained about 3300+ views combined and more than 60 comments and almost 30 followers!! This means a lot to me. I love this.   Well, enough sentiments. I made up a list of things I learnt in the past 2 years. Let’s get unpacking!   1.          Consistency   Maintain a posting schedule and follow it. No matter what. Always post on that day. My posting schedule is to post thrice a month, every ten days. At first, 2 years ago, I wanted it to be once a week. But I took a step back and decided to be more lenient with myself. And I’m so thankful I did...

  I think I’m a parasite I’d be good at everything you want me to be   If I try my level best I’d be able to accomplish   But what do I really want to be doing? What do I want to be, truly speaking?   If I try, I can do it But do I really wanna do it What if I don’t like it After I complete it? What if my life in this Would be favourless ? What if I try my best Just for it to be hated By me in the future? And the future’s so near.   If I try, I’ll be who you want me to be But what if it’s not what I want   What if I don’t need a stable bridge What if I’m truly adventurous What if I want to have fun?   Sitting behind a desk Typing jumbled letters With more jumbled ones What if this is what I want?   Behind the screen With slow music feels With an half eaten chocolate And friends few texts away With pens all around the table And half eaten snacks beside ‘em And opened te...

  I still remember the day I first saw you You looked so handsome all I wanted was to look at you   I remember how you passed by me And I’d throw a glance hoping you’d look at me   It was just a crush Never expected much   You seemed so cool The aura you carried with you Felt so mysterious too And I liked looking at you   The marbles moved closer together Only to be galaxies combined   Millions and billions of stars Twinkling and twinkling until dawn   Two astronauts colliding Was never even meant to be   The spaceships and the lands they’re from Felt so far though from the same earth   The stars were never meant to be But the constellation made them be   Shaped like a pretty little heart Connecting our two hearts   A story to be told to the audience Like a bedtime fairy tale   Summer nights were short for the world But in the space it’s always nights ...

  We moved houses. For my sake. Trail Of Thoughts- 19 Sto-rini- 15 Shifting is a really huge thing to do. “Pack what you need” is heard as “pack whatever you want”. And what do I want? Everything. My main goal when I was given 2 boxes to pack my stuff was to fit everything into those 30X60cm boxes (I measured).   I put everything my naked eye could see. Books I studied in the past two years, diaries I managed to write for the past 2 years, toys I played with for the past, well my whole life, stuff I grew up around my whole life, gifts I received from people in the past few years, little “litter” (to my parents) in the corner of the cupboards, the sticky notes I pasted (with glue) on to the doors of my cupboard, the picture of god I plastered onto the other door of my cupboard, those little stickers I got from chocolates I bought with my brother and friends, those sticky notes I put up in my study room on the most stressful days of my life, those little cards I collected ...

  I was an arrogant boy I knew that but didn’t change it I like- no love myself More than anyone else   Back when you confessed It wasn’t a surprise Everyone loves me and that’s a fact For I'm the cool guy in a high school act   I was that handsome guy In my previous school But soon I had to change And my popularity died   I didn’t like you But accepted you It was because you were popular So that I can climb the social ladder   Soon my wish came true But I missed a critical clue I had to like you back How did I miss that?   I probably didn’t like you Didn’t even bother to   You weren’t my type I didn’t like being seen with you But I had to cuz we were The popular couple   I wanted it to be secret But you were a speaker   I thought maybe once you’re happy I didn’t have to put so many Efforts and can leave you to be And enjoy my popularity   But I was wrong ...