moving

By Rini -

 

We moved houses. For my sake.



Trail Of Thoughts- 19

Sto-rini- 15



Shifting is a really huge thing to do. “Pack what you need” is heard as “pack whatever you want”. And what do I want? Everything. My main goal when I was given 2 boxes to pack my stuff was to fit everything into those 30X60cm boxes (I measured).

 

I put everything my naked eye could see. Books I studied in the past two years, diaries I managed to write for the past 2 years, toys I played with for the past, well my whole life, stuff I grew up around my whole life, gifts I received from people in the past few years, little “litter” (to my parents) in the corner of the cupboards, the sticky notes I pasted (with glue) on to the doors of my cupboard, the picture of god I plastered onto the other door of my cupboard, those little stickers I got from chocolates I bought with my brother and friends, those sticky notes I put up in my study room on the most stressful days of my life, those little cards I collected every time I went to the shopping complex to play games, those letters I wrote for my future self to read, those pictures and vines I arranged so beautifully on the wall and many more.

 

I tried to bring as much as I possibly can to make this new house a home. I tried to fit my 13 years of life there in these two little boxes. And when I finally did, I realized it’s not even a fraction of what I had.

 

It’s been a week since we shifted but I never truly processed that information. I postponed it. I tried to delay my emotions running wild. Mostly because I needed to write this post with raw feelings and authenticity. I wanted to write this as soon as I could but I’ve been busy. Busyness kept me at bay. It secured me from falling deeper in the ocean of emotions, drowning even.

 

I don’t have the exact word to describe what moving actually is or how it is. Perhaps my vocabulary is limited or I am just speechless regarding this. But one thing is for sure, moving is a bittersweet moment. You move for a good reason, good enough to leave everything behind but you’re leaving everything behind. When I said I tried to fit everything in the boxes, I could only do so for all materials and not all material items. (Accounting materiality concept says we should record material/ important things and not immaterial things). I recorded the materials but the material stuff stayed behind.

 

And for anyone who will start their life in my old home, would have no idea about the life I lived there. They would be oblivious about the place I celebrated all my birthdays and invited all my friends for  parties, they wouldn’t know about the time I cried myself to sleep, they wouldn’t know about how much I loved my family, but never told them, they wouldn’t know about the best moments I spent with my loved ones, they wouldn’t know about the time we all slept upstairs, because the current was gone and quickly went inside as soon as the electricity came back and there were tons of mosquitoes, they wouldn’t know about the nightmares I had when I watched a horror movie for the first time, they wouldn’t know about the late night study sessions I had and the breakdowns I had because of the stress, they wouldn’t know about the times I was carried back to bed, because I slept in the hall, they wouldn’t know about the times we came home at 1 in the morning because we went to the movies, they wouldn’t know about my summers with my best friend, they wouldn’t know about the goodbyes I said to people, they wouldn’t know about the poetry I wrote, they wouldn’t know about the worst year of my life, they wouldn’t know about the best day I had in my life, they wouldn’t know the times I stayed up to write letters to myself or journaling, or writing poetry or blog, they wouldn’t know about me. They would know nothing.

 

Nothing matters to them. To them, I was just an another npc. But for me, that was my 10 years of life. I had consciousness in that house, I upgraded from an npc to a real person there, and I “woke” up there. I made real bonds there.

 

Moving isn’t just about the house, it’s about the home. It’s about the environment. Most importantly, it’s about the life in a chapter of my life.

 

I suggested we move. I needed the convenience of living closer to my college. It’s not cowardly, maybe it is. But for me, it’s the bravest shit I ever did. Moving is not easy. But it is to make life easy’ like in my case.

 

Do I regret it? No, not yet.

Will I regret? Maybe a bit. Definitely not a blunt no. I will definitely regret it, but the severity would be manageable.

Do I miss it? Honestly, I’m too busy to even feel. Let along miss.

Will I miss it? Definitely.

Do I love the new house? Yes I do, I’m grateful for loving this new house. It feels like home.

 

In the end, the only thing keeping me sane in this stage is to accept it as a new chapter in my life. A change so necessary, it becomes a canon effect. If not now, it’s in near future. It was definitely gonna happen. And it only happened now. Well, time is relative so

 

Notice how I said, I packed everything from the past few years. Funny, how I’m carrying my past to the future. Not just the good but the bad as well. Intentionally or unintentionally, I got greedy in packing. In order to make an unknown place familiar, you need familiar belongings around you. And that, according to my parents, was pure waste I could throw away. I’m glad they didn’t force me to pack what I “needed”, and let me go through literal waste bags to take what I “wanted”. I’m happy.

 

I am content.

 

I love my parents so much and I’m so grateful for everything they did for me.

Thank you.

 

 ~The End~


TDD- ten day diary

well, that's that.

past ten days were good. love. i don't really have any particular or specific moments i can share but overall, it was a pretty neat week. as per college, i'm way too deep in the water to worry about how cold it is. like dory said, "just keep swimming" and drowning feels like an option too.


anyways, have a great june and soon we would be half way through 2023. wow. 

i love you

baiii!!! 

 

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