chapter 8 of i cant sing

Aditya

Studying is good. It’s good for a good life. Only good, not great. I have heard of people being great in life and most of the time it’s not because they studied really well in school, college, topped every exam, and won a gold medal for being the topper of toppers. I don’t think studies are the answer for everything. Yes, there are people who are academically blessed, who are just really into academic validation, but honestly, i'm not very fond of them. Any human, any student must have some extra-circular specialty. It’s very importan-

 

“ADITYA” screams the social teacher, at an attempt to catch my attention. “f-ck” ah f-ck sorry. Ahh shit. I mumble real hard. “I’m sorry sir” I say standing up. Ah there comes the chaos, I can feel the people murmuring all around me, it makes my skin crawl. What’s so interesting about me?? “Pay attention, now sit down.” He says sternly. I can’t believe I got distracted in social class. I’ll continue the ted-talk later.

 

Couple of hours later...

 

It’s lunch time. Finally. Not because I’m hungry, I eat to live not live to eat, I can be with people that I somewhat like, the band. It’s not bad, is all. Also whoever got this idea of picnic-y lunch EVERY DAY is dead in my hands, though I’m sure that person is already dead, time-wise. Anyways, I walk to the ground with my lunchbox in hand, alone. I do not plan to sit with anyone, honestly. I want to be left alone with my thoughts. That reminds me, the ted-talk from morning.

 

Like I said every child must possess an extra-circular talent. Studies won’t lead you anywhere. I feel so happy my parents allowed me to work on other things without making me obsessed with academic achievements. I study well, objectively speaking. I’m one of the toppers. Though my parents never pressured me to be the topper of toppers, they made sure I was at least interested in studying by making studying about something other than marks. Most students who are good at studies think it’s their only way out but what no teacher or institution tell them is ‘work-life balance’. I believe one way to achieve work-life balance is by having an extra-circular activity. It can also include hobbies (hobbies where there’s no external validation work too).

 

On my way to ground, someone patted on my shoulder, i turn around and it’s Uma. “Hey, wanna sit with us?” she says pointing at our band spot. “Ya sure, thanks.” I reply neutrally though I’m happy. It’s nice to be alone but loneliness creeps in fast when alone. It’s nice to do some observing instead of shutting down my senses and monologuing. I walk behind Uma to the spot under the huge tree. Shreya, Madhan are already seated and the latter waves at me beaming while talking with a couple of girls sitting beside us. He has always been that chirpy golden retriever and people love him too. He has the perfect personality for a leader. But I’m not a big fan of that. Uma is a bit reserved compared to him; she has a nice sisterly love for everyone. I sit beside Madhan and Uma leaves some space, i assume for Nakshatra. While i look into the crowd Madhan points out, “searching for Nakshatra? She is with her friends the last time i saw her.” I nod without saying anything and it’s not like i have anything to say about. It doesn’t matter either way. Couple of minutes later, one of Nakshatra’s friend comes to us and greets us, well mainly Uma. Uma invites them to eat with us. Nakshatra walks small behind her friends like she is hiding from something or someone. I move a little to make space for her but her other friend sits there. Nakshatra seems... silent? I wonder why. She is always the one that brings some energy to the conversation other than Madhan. That’s when Madhan says loudly in his signature teasing tone that it was a surprise Nakshatra came in early today. Everyone starts adding to the ‘joke’. But she doesn’t look embarrassed; i don’t understand this expression of hers. Just then, she face palms and looks at me. Our eyes locked for a split second before she breaks it. Ba-dum. What was that? What happened to me, just now? After a couple of bites, still pondering, i glance over my shoulder. Her friend is trying to have conversation with me but i can’t remember the last subject i just studied. I can’t remember anything. My mind goes blank. I give the vaguest answers and soon she stops bothering me having realised it’s a waste of time talking with me. I don’t even feel a bit of remorse. But it’s not polite. “Im sorry, i don’t feel like talking right now.” I say in a low voice trying to sound apologetic. Her friend replies beaming “i don’t mind. I have days like that as well.” i smile awkwardly.

 

It’s been 30 minutes and yet she didn’t look at me once. I don’t understand why that’s bothering me. I don’t care on normal days. I didn’t care yesterday. But why today? What’s different today? Why do i care so much if she looked at me or not? That’s when it hits me, the morning. She came in early today. Why? Most importantly, why does it bother me so much i can’t continue my ted-talk??

 

In this silent rage and battle i walk to my class, after bidding good bye to Uma and Madhan. I sit at my desk, pack my lunch and take the social textbook for the combined class with section A. That’s when i see her walk past the class to the washroom. She seems to be in a hurry, kind of sick hurry. I quickly get up and walk out to the stairs beside the washroom. There’s still 90 seconds left for the bell to ring. Most students are already packed in their classrooms. Teachers will start to come as the bell rings. I get up as Nakshatra comes out of the washroom. She looks at me from the corner of her eyes. Ah she’s fine. I sigh with relief. “Oh hey” she says in a detached tone. ‘Oh hey’?? Oh hey? I don’t know what came over me but i quickly move towards her and grab her wrist. She turns so quickly and comes closer to me. I did not expect this to happen. Ba-dum F-ck i didn’t expect anything at all, ba-dum what the hell was i even expecting? Ba-dum Following her worrying if she is sick? Ba-dum Grabbing her wrist and pulling her closer? What the hell is happening?? She pulls away from me as fast as she came in closer. Her hazel brown eyes staring back at me, she whisper-shouts “ehfgeifgewfgeuf” i can’t concentrate. There’s only one thing i can think of. One question. One answer. “Why?” i think out loud. She asks me what. I ask again, enunciating subtly “Why did you leave early today?” she looks at me confused but not that she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. It almost seems like she doesn’t know the answer too. The bell rings disrupting the interrogation set-up. She escapes to her room in a hurry saying she has class, not knowing what lies ahead of her. I smile sheepishly like a cartoon villain. Is this where politeness brings me? Avoiding? It’s not like that affects me one bit. No it doesn’t. I’m not affected at all. What’s so difficult about answering a simple question? I don’t understand.

 

I walk to my classroom, all the students are ready to go to the auditorium for the combined class but we are waiting to get called. Everyone chit-chats while I wait outside the room. Just like I thought, not even a minute later, she comes out of her classroom in a rush, stays still for a quick while and looks at me. She then strides towards me. I don’t even realize my lips curled as I look at her every step. She stops and huffs at me. “I thought you had class?” I saw with a smirk. She avoids eye contact and tells me about the combined class arrangement. I mock her and she replies in a not-so-good comeback. I can’t let her leave thinking she won the conversation. “Nakshatra, what’s the textbook?” I say as she leaves. She turns around but seems confused on what I said.

“What?”

“What what?” I say sheepishly.

“Arey, I didn’t hear what you just said.” she says annoyed.

I suggest coming closer so she can hear me better. I was expecting her to get angry but she answers affirmatively. I’m shocked but I’ll give her what she wants. I lean in closer until we are inches apart and ask her again. She replies obediently but stays still.

“You are not gonna go?”

“Why, yes my good sir. Yes I will.” She replies in her Shakespearean accent that I so very much find cute. I chuckle as she escapes, yet again.  

 

Few minutes pass by as everyone heads to the auditorium, i stay behind to switch of the fans and lights and close the door. I am glad i made Rahul take my materials with him, he is a good guy. As i walk past A section, someone bumps into me. ba-dum it’s her. She exclaims in pain. I feel bad for not checking the corners. I ask her to be careful. She gives me one of those fake smiles and tries to walk past me. “Wait” i hold her hand as i say it. She quickly glances around us as if she is afraid of someone coming. “What?” she replies in the same annoying tone. That hurts. She pulls back her hand. My hand feels cold out of nowhere. The reason i asked her to wait? I have no idea. At this point, I’m going with the flow. I point out the obvious, “why are you back?” she looks relaxed and invites me into her classroom.

“I forgot my pouch.” she says fake laughing.

It’s so awkward. I hate awkwardness. One thing i can’t learn from YouTube is how to properly socialise in actual world. I nod to her as that’s the only valid response i can think of at the moment. I ease the ice saying i relate and say “brain farts.” She laughs. Ba-dum. How can she laugh so beautifully as i struggle with awkwardness. How can she relax when i can't even breathe automatically? I don’t even know why i'm awkward. Why is today so awkward? Especially her. Why is she- i remember now.

 

“Before i forget, why did you come in early today?”

 

 

 

 

And the drama continues...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh my gosh. It's been a while since i wrote something THIS good in fiction. (wait i just did two weeks ago). In romance! Its difficult to write in two perspectives. It's important to have a difference in both their characters and the way they think. I think im improving!! Very happy about that. Writing from a boy’s perspective is even more difficult so i took inspiration from my best friend. I can’t tell you the secrets but all i can say is i wrote her personality in my pov which became Aditya’s pov! Hope that made zero sense. And yes that friend is a girl. Ironic, isn’t it?

 

 

I hope you liked today’s chapter!! It was a lot of last minute writing. Im posting on march 1^st. I am definitely sad but i wrote 1600 words in a span of 3 hours. A win is a win!!

 

 

Alright, thank you for reading till the end.

 

Yours lovingly,

Rini.