growing too fast

By Rini -
 Am I the only one?
Or does anyone think
That time is moving really fast right now?
 
Just one more year and
My school life ends
 
Everything is rushing
Everyone is rushing
To finish their lives
Metaphorically
 
I wonder if I’m even keeping up with the pace
Or am I even walking in this race?       
 
I feel like i'm growing too fast
The wind is pushing me back
The race seems to come to an end
Before I even start
 
It scares me to think
How people are like
It scares me to think
How I can survive
 
I’m scared of my life ahead
And I can’t seem to
Live my life now
 
The present seems to be in the past
While I keep looking at the map
Showing how far behind I am
And how fast I need to run
 
I need to catch up
With people
And their expectations
And the standards in the clouds
 
I feel like I’m growing too fast
My childhoods gonna end
I have to stop having fun
I’m gonna lose all my friends
 
I’m scared of the life before me
I can’t focus on the present
The tunnel seems so long
What if there’s no light at the end?
 
I’m scared of growing up
And realize how wrong I was
Of the world I dreamt of
When I was younger and happier
 
I am scared of growing too fast
And realize how I never lived once
 
I’m scared of growing too old
And realize I was never young and bold
 
I’m scared of leaving my home
And realize how a house can be so cold
 
I’m scared of growing and
Forgetting all my friends
 
I’m scared of growing up
And never actually climb up
 
I’m scared of growing old too fast and
Never really have fun.
 
I’m scared of growing
And losing what makes me me.
 
I’m scared of not leaving a mark
And dying without a bookmark,
 
~The End~
 
 
What if I die without anyone knowing who I truly am, like an unopened book which now has no role in the world, so it’s left unopened, undiscovered and unknown? It’s not like I don’t want to grow, it’s just that I feel like I’m growing too fast (well you probably got that from the poem).
 
I wrote this poem after a discussion with friends about careers and future plans. I was so stressed out when they stated out their plans about universities, courses and the next plans. I on the other hand, was sitting there without saying a word and was internally stressing so much because even though I knew what I wanted to become, I wasn’t sure of how. That scared me so much.
 
I got home and told my mom about this, she was really chill about it saying, “there’s still time, I will let you know when to start stressing out, so just stop thinking about it and focus on your studies”. this partially did the deed but I needed more, so we had a talk with a cousin about this and I was calm only after she said “there’s still time”.
 
Life is getting scarier as I move forward. “Is it worth it?” is what i'm being asked all the time. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. It’s a matter of time to find out which one it will be.

love,
Rini.
 

 
TDD- the last ten days practically flew. The last time I looked at the calendar, it was 3rd of august and now it’s 9th Aug like wtf. I am basically drowning in work, I’ve got so much on my plate and i’m already full with the first bite (no, i'm not some kinda pick me girl, leave me alone). so yea i kinda lost track of what happened. 
I'm presenting a speech on independence day with an original poem i wrote ages ago. im kinda excited that I'm presenting my poem ahhhh!! now i need to by-heart the speech (~500 words) and i'll be done.
hope you have a great 10 day unlike me. 
love youu,
yours.
 
 
x

Comments

Post a Comment

my popular posts!!

new girl

By Rini -
  Sto-rini- 14 It was back in 2019; I was studying 9th. The academic year had just begun and we were all breathing the air of relief because of the 8th class storm. We had public exams in 8th, our first exposure to outside correction and the new type of stress due to pressure.   9th class was our step to freedom after the battle. As storm passed, calmness spread. Little did I know, it was the sign for yet another storm that was to come, but this time it was coming for me.   "A new student has joined in 9th A", announced my class teacher, we got excited. I still remember that day, crystal clear. She waddled in, shy and sat behind me. On her first day, we swarmed around her introducing ourselves. I remember my first words to her, "Nice to meet you. My name is Rini".   We shook hands. It wasn't firm, she was rather weak. She was slim. Not too thin, not too fat. Just the right type. She had a fair complexion, clear skin, thick hair, smooth hands, beautif...
Read more!

her and him

By Rini -
He is always saying that they have nothing in common but she, a sitcom addict, says that’s where magic happens.   Trail of thoughts- 23 When people are different, there is space between their hearts. One can say that their love for each other and them as a whole is common enough. But she says that the bridge that connects their soul is built by them with their own minds and hands. “If we have nothing in common, so be it. We can do or create hobbies that both of us can enjoy doing together”.   Maybe just love is enough, but are you sure?   He loves watching movies and series. He loves re-watching his favourites. She passes her time watching 20 minute recap of famous movies. She thinks movies today are lengthy without a story.   So, he made it his life’s mission to narrate her movies he watched, re-watched and loved so far. That works for both of them.   She loves writing. She writes poetry and sometimes stories. When she asks him to read th...
Read more!

rubber hands

By Rini -
  My eyes feel heavy, I can’t feel my body. I feel like I’m dying. I woke up not knowing how I even fell asleep. Was it even sleep I have woken up from? But first, why does my whole body ache like crazy? I can’t even open my fucking eyes. With all my might, I open them slightly. First thing I see is red coloured sand. Just sand everywhere, red precisely. Red mountains, red sky, red sandstorms, red ground, and red …… liquid? Is that blood? Am I bleeding?? I feel a metallic taste in my mouth. It is blood. I try lifting my hands and they’re painted bright red. I have been hurt badly. Don’t know how, don’t know when, and don’t know why.   Wait, why don’t I remember why or how? I don’t remember anything. Why is that? I go deep into my thoughts and suddenly a memory snaps. A car accident. There was a car accident. Trying to remember more things despite the severe headache and huge blood loss, I remember one more thing. I was with my boyfriend, Siddharth, in the very car that was in ...
Read more!

what's the worst thing that could happen?

By Rini -
  When people say “what’s the worst thing that can happen” before doing the most diabolical stunt in their life, my mind just wanders in the grey area of life. Trail Of Thoughts - 34 Let me explain. When I started this blog, my first thought was “Omg lezgoo ahhh” and second was, “what’s the worst possibility”. The answer to that question was “no one would read it lol”. That initially gave me a boost to posting anything I want and I still equip that in the back of my mind before I click on ‘publish’.  Today, I realized I wasn’t thinking of the worst possible consequence, but rather “a” consequence that could be both a win and a loss for me. I don’t think my mind wrapped around that saying properly. Now that I am older and wiser, I think the worst thing that could happen when blogging is the following: This might end up on some wrong person’s feed somehow; they read it and interpret it in the wrong way. And not stop there. He (suppose) not only hates it but makes it his whole pu...
Read more!

one must imagine Sisyphus happy

By Rini -
  I just spent the last hour learning about Sisyphus, a myth, and  Albert Camus , a famous French philosopher. Camus said, “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” So what is all this, who is Sisyphus, why must we imagine him happy, why did Camus say that? (And what am I yapping)   Trail Of Thoughts - 33 Sisyphus is a Greek mythology story. The shorter version is that he was an extremely overconfident and arrogant king, basically hubristic. He cheated on death twice and the Gods got mad at him and gave him a punishment. The punishment was for him to push a boulder, a giant rock, to the top of a steep hill and just when he would reach the top, the Gods would make the boulder slide down making Sisyphus start all over again. This was to last an eternity. For AN ETERNITY, this guy should push a giant rock up a hill just for it to fall again and again and again.   So why did Albert Camus say that one must imagine Sisyphus happy? Why must one imagine a never-ending pun...
Read more!