first time

 The first time I actually try to use my heart
Everything starts falling apart
 
I hate to be emotional
Risking one thing for all
 
It’s scary how some people are like this
On a daily basis
 
It’s scary how they handle it so well
Few minutes through and I'm already in hell
 
Now I know why she was so hurt
While she could leave it
She held on to it
 
I thought she was crazy
For being so attached to someone
It’s a waste of time
Might as well work hard in life
 
Waiting for hours for a reply
And I text without an ounce of shame
They’re probably busy I say while I deny
That they probably don’t even remember my name
 
I hate to start the convo
Hate to stay online
I hate to be the only one
To keep the convo going
 
But, I like you.
I'm doing this for you
 
I hate it.
I hate to say it
I hate to admit it
But I hate to deny it
I hate to like you.
 

~The End~

i wrote this back in 2021, i guess. i was emo back then. kind of an extra entj. i hated every part of me that liked him, but i liked every part of him. it was difficult to choose. should it be a person i vaguely know that i like? or the one that i hated the most in the world, me? 

rest assure , im super fine and way better than before. being emotional felt like a weakness i needed to hide to be a better me. embracing is what makes a person better was my character development arc. whoever the author is, i love you and hate you. i love my life as a story but not as a character. (speaking from experience)

TDD- ten day diary

where do i begin? it just sucks. nothing more to add. i have one thing to tell you, just don't join in my college. you will know the name if  you know me. please don't join. 

i need sleep.

more about me. i am doing ok. my coping mechanism is that things can get worse. plz dont follow this, i need therapy.

ok bye. i love you

~Rini.