insomnia called last night

 

Hey!

 

So insomnia struck me last night and I want to share the whole story.

 

Sto-rini - 13

the devil's number indeed

Last night I was so sleepy so I went to bed a little earlier than usual. Usually I would hit the pillow and my brain kinda like shuts down, sometimes manual sometimes automatic. This time as well, as it was shutting down it didn’t feel like usual.

 

I shut down, but my thoughts kept on going and believe me when I say they make no sense. Like it’s a whole story and it keeps on moving not staying at one place. Once I would be in a spaceship hitting the asteroid and next I’m in lunch with some extra terrestrial creatures and planning for earth’s dooms day. This is not the weirdest shit yet, my head just hurt so much and I knew why too, because I’m thinking. It’s not even dreaming, I’m just thinking weird sh.

 

It’s as if my brain has become a whole different person and started thinking for its own. That scared me, more than anything.

 I couldn’t stop it, not even for a second. And when I finally did, I thought about how difficult I was, IT STARTED AGAIN. I triggered it again. It was like a ticking bomb that thought and thought and thought until it explodes. I hoped for it. I hoped for a dooms day to me rather than to the earth. I tried stopping for so long. I just wouldn’t work. I cried. I cried so much. I can’t even control my own thought process and my brain. I hated that more than anything. The thoughts just kept piling up and it was like watching every episode of every show in 2x because I missed out on too much. It was like payback. I remember that day being normal. Nothing unusual happened. Maybe this is the unusual part of my every day.

 

You don’t understand how scared I was, what if I keep thinking my entire life? What if I never go to sleep?  What if I’m never ABLE to go to sleep? What if this is my last straw? What if i'm slowly drifting to insanity-

 

My mom noticed me bawling. She got up and got me up. Asked me why I was crying so much. She was so scared. It was 1 in the morning. She went to the kitchen and got me some lemon juice saying I was probably dehydrated. At this point, I’m accepting any remedy .I drank it and I told her what’s up. She called it relatable. She told me that she always faces it. And that she envied when I could fall asleep so quickly.

 

Then it clicked me. I go to sleep when my battery is completely drained out, down to 1%. Sleep is like recharging your body so get the most of it when you should. I work my ass off the whole day and only sleep when I’m super exhausted, so I wouldn’t be up thinking anything else.

 

But that day, it was different. I went to sleep at 10 itself because i had no homework and decided to un-f up my f-ed up sleep schedule.

Well, I guess I got f-ed up at the end.

Oh and the lemon juice didn’t work immediately. It was still happening. I messaged a friend. And they were awake. I texted “insomnia”, they said “me too”. They always told me they experience insomnia every night, and I would brush it away saying “just sleep”.

I apologised and asked for a remedy they’d suggest. “I listen to sleeping sounds. Oh wait I have a favourite one, lemme send it to you”.

 

A favourite sleeping sound? I thought to myself. I felt really sad. Like really sad, sympathetic. They have a favourite sleeping sound. They probably tried many and ended up LIKING this one. That was so sad.

 

They sent it. I said, if it works, thank you. If it doesn’t, I’ll come back.

 

It did work. I slept my way through the difficult night.

 

Maybe the lemon juice worked all right.

 

 

Dealing with insomnia is not easy. I realised way too late and in the worst way possible, by experiencing it.

 

Well, I’m glad this is over, or is it?

 

 

Thank you for listening to my ted-talk about me talking about one of the most common mental illnesses.

 [Insomnia is rarely an isolated medical or mental illness but rather a symptom of another illness to be investigated by a person and their medical doctors. In other people, insomnia can be a result of a person's lifestyle or work schedule] – google.

 

~The End~

TDD- ten day diary

remember when i announced to the world that i was sick? well, i'm not anymore. i got better. and i want to be sick again.

its like one of those psychological reels that explain life and sh. one of them goes, "if you try escaping your toxic environment, it will not make it better after you return. so instead of escaping, try making the environment better". 

i'm too lazy to do it.

my posts from now on would be super basic (like they always have been) because of coaching. the commute is 1 and half hour long and its k1ll1ng me. 

ok bye