like a mannequin

By Rini -

 This is for all my 'therapist friends' who are not just a therapist. But humans, like us. 



 You would give me key and I could talk
Am I a mannequin or a toy from the store?
 
You come to me to spill your tea
But right when I start, you leave
 
I’m just a therapist for your rants
No matter how late (it is 3 am)
 
All you want is someone to just listen to your shit
While you leave them when the deed is done
 
I know you give zero darns
But oh boy, I give you so much love
 
I feel like a mannequin
I fight the battle within
 
Alone, always
But you, under rays
                                                                                                 
Life felt lifeless
With no one to listen to me
I felt hopeless
With you leaving me
 
I saw no light
While you were under spotlight
 
I see passersby
And I see you passing by
 
I wait for you to come to me
Even if it’s just for you to leave          
 
The key to my heart
The one that starts the clock
Like a therapist but less
Since you do the talk
 
Like a mannequin
I sit by lifeless
I start with the key
But to do what?
 
Listening is a good skill
But just listening isn’t
I want you to talk with me
And not leave me afterwards
 
I stand in the glass room
Sympathized by the fools
“Pathetic, miserable”
I think to myself
 
Maybe I should try walking out the door
That tryna lock me in the room.
 
Maybe if I try to walk away
You will run after me one day.
Maybe I can have the key to you
And be the one to control you
 
You wouldn’t find the light
For I was the source with all my might
With me gone, it would be the blight
You lost all the life.
 
~The End~


This is about a person who is a therapist to their friends but doesn’t receive the same support in return. I know someone like this and it’s sad seeing them not get what they deserve. I'm bad at being the 'therapist' friend so I just try to be the listener. But sometimes I can’t do it. (I believe therapist ≠listener)
 
It’s hard being the listener for someone who talks non-stop. I feel guilty about not being able to help her but it’s not like I can. I just can’t, I'm not programmed like that.
 
'Try changing Rini', no, I can’t. As much as I feel sad/guilty, I can’t change my whole programming. (Not saying they’re not important enough). I just like being myself and being like this.
 
But I always try my best to support them emotionally. It’s a tough area but I try my best. So I support them in my own (other) ways. Listening is not my cup of tea so I distract them and make them laugh for a bit and probably make their day a bit better.

I really hope that's a good thing from my side.

that's it for today!
love,
Rini.



TDD- ten day diary

my last days have been a blast. farewell happened!! i celebrated my 17th birthday with all my people. i had so much fun!!

and now is when everything starts turning dark. exams. exams are right around the corner and i am still not serious enough. everything feels 'not enough'. I'm procrastinating a lot. also my computer is malfunctioning :')
no audio :')
i wasted 5 hours working on it and its not resolved. 
its not that big of a deal but I'm accustomated to listening to classical music and some lessons on desktop. Welp, even the nature is against me studying. fun!

anyways, my first exam is English! I would be super happy if it were accountancy, but to my dismay its the laaaast one :((((

have a happy week on behalf of me :')

lovingly,
me.
 

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