re-remembered

 I like to remember while my brain loves to forget. But it's fun because every time I try to remember something, I remember little details I 'missed' before. It adds to the beauty of the memory. 

 

Trail Of Thoughts- 27

Written on 10^th Jan, 2024.

 

I completed my exams last week. A whole year’s work had me exhausted. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to sleep in the exam hall. I completed in an hour. Anyways, I was relieved but not as much as I thought I would be. I imagined that I’d be soaring with freedom as my wings, flying into the fluffy water floating above ground. I thought I would be happier, my life more colourful, like my vision would become like those toy camera- colourful, soft and lovely.

 

But I was wrong, well partially.

 

I did feel happy, the harsh cold weather felt like a breeze and my locks flew in it.

 

My vision did become like one of those toy camera, the visuals were soft, joyful, lovely, happy and in one word, “Perfect”.  The only problem was that I couldn’t capture the moments. There were so many moments where I’d just blink in hopes of ‘capturing’ the visual. If only someone saw all the tiny perfect things I saw in that split second. If only people appreciated life like I did, if only people could look through my eyes.

 

A camera.

 

If only I had a camera attached to my eyes that’d capture when I blinked, if only you could see:

How pretty the outside of my last exam was (even though I wrote all my 4 exams in the same university);

How magnificent the tree looks when the sun rays falls on the fresh green leaves in the brown branches swimming in the blue-blue sky with spots of cloud in the background;

How joyful the group hug felt while we jumped and cheered each other;

How exciting the planning to meet in the holidays felt (well aware none of them would work).

 

There are many instances where I would di3 to have a camera.

 

Like this one time, years ago, I was going home with my dad and on your way, we passed this alley, it felt like heaven. It had trees on either side with long branches flowing into each other almost touching, the leaves were golden brown, mostly golden, the sunrays were golden yellow coloured waterfalls falling onto the carpeted ground though the spaces in branches. Everything was heavenly yet not magical; it felt real with soft colours flowing in the way they had to, leading to a perfect visual imprinted in my brain, one that I’d remember for years to come. And maybe, just maybe, add more details as I grow, to make it more joyful to remember. I love re-remembering it. 

 

[This post was an excuse to describe the gateway to heaven.]

 

 

 

(When I say I wished I had a camera to capture the moment, I’m not just talking about what I see but the whole moment including my emotions, thoughts and feelings. I want to capture the whole moment of being human with other humans, my humans.)

 

 

~will never end~

 

 

 

 

TDD- my last ten days have been hectic!! Now I feel a lottt better.

 

The exam I was talking about was “CA foundation”. It’s a tough one, but your girl cracked it. [SO CRINGE]

 

Have a greatttttttt march!! Share the moments where you wished to capture the holistic moment !!

 

Byeee

I love you

 

Rini.