Heyoo! This is going to be my last post.
For the year. Lol
NOTE: *{When I say it was better or anything I mean it in my case i.e.,
in my life only. And not anything or anyone else. I know c0r0na got
worse in 2021 and that’s definitely not what I mean when I say ‘2021 was
better than 2020’. RIP to all the people who d13d because of this fatal
disease and congratulations to everyone who fought it.}*
Trail of thoughts - 4
“Right when we thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse, God has dropped his
mic with 2021.” This is what everyone has been saying ever since Jan of
2021. Imagine being 2021, just coming next in the line trying to make
people happy or better but being judged by your disappointed doublet sibling, 2020. To be honest, 2021 was
bad but not worse than 2020. Well according to me at least.
But this blog isn’t a competition. I want to write about my life in these
two years. 2020 was challenging for everyone. But 2021 wasn’t that bad. It
got better actually. You know we could finally get out of our houses and
meet our friends.
In short, school was my happy thing in 2021 (can’t believe it lol). I
started poetry in 2020 but 2021 was when I started taking it serious. Oh I
started this blog in 2021 as well!
[Typing 2020 and 2021 is getting difficult and I'm sure reading it is
annoying too so how about we give them names instead? I read in a post
that our names are like a description of us at our birth. But we can’t see
the years, can we? So the names are;
2020-> Stacey and 2021-> Olivia. Why? Idk, they are my favourite
names lol.] Yes this whole paragraph was useless and you just wasted your
time.
Stacey was like our stepping stone to our loneliness and introversion. I,
an extrovert, actually became a very shy person who started their hatred
towards phone calls. I prefer texting even now.
Okay so I just listed a few things that changed/happened in my life with
Stacey and Olivia. Sooo let’s get into it <3
1. Making friends
Before all this hungama (chaos), I was a very extroverted girl with no
social problems (FLEX). But after lock-down and the solitude that came
with, I realised how difficult ‘making new friends’ can be. I would always
dismiss people who say that befriending is a very difficult task, but when
I stood in their place I understood it. Going back to school after nearly
10 months was a difficult task even with my old friends. I had difficulty
starting a conversation and keep it going. But within a few days, I got
habituated to that awkwardness between us and realised that was how it
always has been. I just started reading too much into it and made it 10x
awkward. But thanks to my friends, it went pretty smooth.
Just as everything was going well, my tenth was completed and we were
separated due to our interests and career options. A few of them were
lucky enough to join the same college and even the same stream. But my
fate was not as lucky as them. I joined a college completely different
from all of them meaning I'll be alone and my stream was also very
different, meaning I don’t have a common subject we can talk about.
That’s when I faced my unknown fear head to head, “new people in a new
environment”. I panicked at the thought of that. I had breakdowns with all
the negativity built in me. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“You’ll be alone for two long years”, that’s it, that’s all I needed for
my tears to fill the bucket my mom would hold for me. [Shout out to my
mom]
There is this 'motivational quote' i read that changed my mind completely. "People talk about you because they got nothing more interesting than you". Well? This changed my 'what people might think' mind to 'give them something better to talk about'.
2. Communication Skills
So I think communication skills are a very important component in making
friends and being social. So talking to only a limited people of 3-5 (including my family) was definitely not helpful in this part. I started
talking to myself a lot which just made it worse. It’s
because, while talking to myself, I don’t explain the details about the
topic or situation. Why? Because it’s already in my brain, thus copy &
paste. And consequently I miss important details or speak absolute nonsense
sometimes (because it was funny to me). Well that doesn’t work in real
life, since apparently people can’t read minds. And the auto correct in mobiles has deteriorated 'spelling' skills. (I used auto correct even
here). But don’t take me wrong, this isn’t a “how mobile phones are
harmful for us” kind of blog. I don’t think mobile phones are wrong in
this, it’s obviously us. We are the problem. We use an interesting and
absolutely awesome device in such a disappointing way and thus make things
tough for ourselves and go on blaming it. Well that’s what makes us human,
right?
3. Hobbies
Being alone doesn’t stop us from starting new hobbies. One of them would
be reading comics. And that was the only best thing that happened to me in
this lock-down. I discovered them in a desperate situation of loneliness
and went on embracing it. Comics is a wonderful world of stories and
drawings. “That’s childish”, I will not hesitate to k1ll you if you say
that. A lot of things happened inside my mind after I started reading
them, binge reading might I add. I read a lot of stories, learnt a lot
more things. It was seriously the only thing I would not regret happening.
I will talk more about this in my coming “trail of thoughts” series, so
stay tuned!
4. Poetry
This is a very serious subject lol. Ironic enough?
Anyways my story begins in august of 2020 when I wrote my first poem,
“Realisation”. Its honestly one of the most beautiful ones I have ever
written. I'm very proud of it. (I have already posted it. Go check it out
if you haven’t yet!)
Although ‘Stacey’ was my first poem, ‘Olivia’ made me realise my love for
it and that’s when I started taking it seriously. [Don’t tell me you
forgot it already]. I started writing poems for my friends as gifts on
their birthdays. It was an awesome experience; going through our memory
lane and picking up the best ones from the infinite others. And their
happiness made me happy (cringe? Idc :P). Then I started writing with a
theme in my head, “my life”. Probably the experiences which are too
valuable to forget and also those that I need to face and move on (like my
“im not depressed lol” poem).
I wrote them and loved them. What else do I need in enjoying my hobby?
And I took a very big step with Olivia. I made a blog. I’m probably not
the best tech savvy in the room but all I can say is that I tried my best
;) it’s a nice experience at the least. You can say you’ve been with me
from the very beginning if I become famous (*when :P).
That got a lot personal than I thought it would. I don’t really like to
talk about myself so this was a bit tough for me. Forgive me if there was
lack of flow for I wrote this with a lot of breaks. I initially had about
10 points to write but reduced it to 4 because that was way too personal
lol.
I just want to say that no matter how old you are, you change and your
surroundings change and you have no other option than to accept it and
embrace it. And it’s okay to cry and breakdown sometimes. We are all just
human, after all.
Everything worked out at the end in my new college. As always, a happy
ending. I am content. Now all my worries feel like a waste but deep down I
know that’s what made me strong enough to bear any attacks. That’s what
made my defense strong. ;) But of course there are challenges everywhere.
They are helping me become stronger than before. I’m sure I changed a lot
in the past 2 years and I don’t blame it for change is imminent.
I made a resolution for Olivia when I was with Stacey. It was to write
diary for everyday. And I’m proud to say that I actually managed to do it.
I’m not the type who would stick to their plans for a long time, but this
time I did and I’m so happy. So I have one resolution for 2022 (though I
don’t believe in them I want to follow or at least have one), is to work
on my emotions. I need to stop bottling them up and at the same time not
throw them out. I need to be calm and deal with them peacefully. This is
what I wanna do in 2022. I hope I can.
And that’s it. See you all next year, until then peace out!
And btw, advance happy new year <3
Love,
Rini.
[Namaste. TDD (Ten Day Diary), here we go: I went to this Italian restaurant in town and omg the food is amazing!!{Upland Bistro} It's currently winter vacation for me while my friends write their exams and honestly, its THE BEST FEELING lmao.(to my friends who read this, I'm kidding of course.) i tried the mbti test again to see if anything changed but fortunately NOPE! im still an ENTJ-T. I want to tell you guys something awesome. I'm working on something interesting and I'm sure you'd like it!
At one point of this boring vacation I decided to watch tarot reading videos??? I couldn't even watch one complete video. It's awful lol.
Okay then sayonara, see you next year!)
Comments
Post a Comment