minus 1 year till the end of the world

By Rini -
Heyoo! This is going to be my last post.
For the year. Lol

NOTE: *{When I say it was better or anything I mean it in my case i.e., in my life only. And not anything or anyone else. I know c0r0na got worse in 2021 and that’s definitely not what I mean when I say ‘2021 was better than 2020’. RIP to all the people who d13d because of this fatal disease and congratulations to everyone who fought it.}*

Trail of thoughts - 4

“Right when we thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse, God has dropped his mic with 2021.” This is what everyone has been saying ever since Jan of 2021. Imagine being 2021, just coming next in the line trying to make people happy or better but being  judged by your disappointed doublet sibling, 2020. To be honest, 2021 was bad but not worse than 2020. Well according to me at least.

But this blog isn’t a competition. I want to write about my life in these two years. 2020 was challenging for everyone. But 2021 wasn’t that bad. It got better actually. You know we could finally get out of our houses and meet our friends.

In short, school was my happy thing in 2021 (can’t believe it lol). I started poetry in 2020 but 2021 was when I started taking it serious. Oh I started this blog in 2021 as well!

[Typing 2020 and 2021 is getting difficult and I'm sure reading it is annoying too so how about we give them names instead? I read in a post that our names are like a description of us at our birth. But we can’t see the years, can we? So the names are; 2020-> Stacey and 2021-> Olivia. Why? Idk, they are my favourite names lol.] Yes this whole paragraph was useless and you just wasted your time.

Stacey was like our stepping stone to our loneliness and introversion. I, an extrovert, actually became a very shy person who started their hatred towards phone calls. I prefer texting even now.

Okay so I just listed a few things that changed/happened in my life with Stacey and Olivia. Sooo let’s get into it <3


1. Making friends

Before all this hungama (chaos), I was a very extroverted girl with no social problems (FLEX). But after lock-down and the solitude that came with, I realised how difficult ‘making new friends’ can be. I would always dismiss people who say that befriending is a very difficult task, but when I stood in their place I understood it. Going back to school after nearly 10 months was a difficult task even with my old friends. I had difficulty starting a conversation and keep it going. But within a few days, I got habituated to that awkwardness between us and realised that was how it always has been. I just started reading too much into it and made it 10x awkward. But thanks to my friends, it went pretty smooth.
Just as everything was going well, my tenth was completed and we were separated due to our interests and career options. A few of them were lucky enough to join the same college and even the same stream. But my fate was not as lucky as them. I joined a college completely different from all of them meaning I'll be alone and my stream was also very different, meaning I don’t have a common subject we can talk about.
That’s when I faced my unknown fear head to head, “new people in a new environment”. I panicked at the thought of that. I had breakdowns with all the negativity built in me. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” “You’ll be alone for two long years”, that’s it, that’s all I needed for my tears to fill the bucket my mom would hold for me. [Shout out to my mom]
There is this 'motivational quote' i read that changed my mind completely. "People talk about you because they got nothing more interesting than you". Well? This changed my 'what people might think' mind to 'give them something better to talk about'. 


2. Communication Skills

So I think communication skills are a very important component in making friends and being social. So talking to only a limited people of 3-5 (including my family) was definitely not helpful in this part. I started talking to myself a lot which just made it worse. It’s because, while talking to myself, I don’t explain the details about the topic or situation. Why? Because it’s already in my brain, thus copy & paste. And consequently I miss important details or speak absolute nonsense sometimes (because it was funny to me). Well that doesn’t work in real life, since apparently people can’t read minds. And the auto correct in mobiles has deteriorated 'spelling' skills. (I used auto correct even here). But don’t take me wrong, this isn’t a “how mobile phones are harmful for us” kind of blog. I don’t think mobile phones are wrong in this, it’s obviously us. We are the problem. We use an interesting and absolutely awesome device in such a disappointing way and thus make things tough for ourselves and go on blaming it. Well that’s what makes us human, right?

3. Hobbies

Being alone doesn’t stop us from starting new hobbies. One of them would be reading comics. And that was the only best thing that happened to me in this lock-down. I discovered them in a desperate situation of loneliness and went on embracing it. Comics is a wonderful world of stories and drawings. “That’s childish”, I will not hesitate to k1ll you if you say that. A lot of things happened inside my mind after I started reading them, binge reading might I add. I read a lot of stories, learnt a lot more things. It was seriously the only thing I would not regret happening. I will talk more about this in my coming “trail of thoughts” series, so stay tuned!

4. Poetry

This is a very serious subject lol. Ironic enough?
Anyways my story begins in august of 2020 when I wrote my first poem, “Realisation”. Its honestly one of the most beautiful ones I have ever written. I'm very proud of it. (I have already posted it. Go check it out if you haven’t yet!)
Although ‘Stacey’ was my first poem, ‘Olivia’ made me realise my love for it and that’s when I started taking it seriously. [Don’t tell me you forgot it already]. I started writing poems for my friends as gifts on their birthdays. It was an awesome experience; going through our memory lane and picking up the best ones from the infinite others. And their happiness made me happy (cringe? Idc :P). Then I started writing with a theme in my head, “my life”. Probably the experiences which are too valuable to forget and also those that I need to face and move on (like my “im not depressed lol” poem). 
I wrote them and loved them. What else do I need in enjoying my hobby? And I took a very big step with Olivia. I made a blog. I’m probably not the best tech savvy in the room but all I can say is that I tried my best ;) it’s a nice experience at the least. You can say you’ve been with me from the very beginning if I become famous (*when :P).
 

That got a lot personal than I thought it would. I don’t really like to talk about myself so this was a bit tough for me. Forgive me if there was lack of flow for I wrote this with a lot of breaks. I initially had about 10 points to write but reduced it to 4 because that was way too personal lol.

I just want to say that no matter how old you are, you change and your surroundings change and you have no other option than to accept it and embrace it. And it’s okay to cry and breakdown sometimes. We are all just human, after all.

Everything worked out at the end in my new college. As always, a happy ending. I am content. Now all my worries feel like a waste but deep down I know that’s what made me strong enough to bear any attacks. That’s what made my defense strong. ;) But of course there are challenges everywhere. They are helping me become stronger than before. I’m sure I changed a lot in the past 2 years and I don’t blame it for change is imminent. 

I made a resolution for Olivia when I was with Stacey. It was to write diary for everyday. And I’m proud to say that I actually managed to do it. I’m not the type who would stick to their plans for a long time, but this time I did and I’m so happy. So I have one resolution for 2022 (though I don’t believe in them I want to follow or at least have one), is to work on my emotions. I need to stop bottling them up and at the same time not throw them out. I need to be calm and deal with them peacefully. This is what I wanna do in 2022. I hope I can.
And that’s it. See you all next year, until then peace out!

And btw, advance happy new year <3

Love,

Rini.


[Namaste. TDD (Ten Day Diary), here we go: I went to this Italian restaurant in town and omg the food is amazing!!{Upland Bistro} It's currently winter vacation for me while my friends write their exams and honestly, its THE BEST FEELING lmao.(to my friends who read this, I'm kidding of course.) i tried the mbti test again to see if anything changed but fortunately NOPE! im still an ENTJ-T. I want to tell you guys something awesome. I'm working on something interesting and I'm sure you'd like it! 
At one point of this boring vacation I decided to watch tarot reading videos??? I couldn't even watch one complete video. It's awful lol. 
Okay then sayonara, see you next year!)

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