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was it a mosquito, or did i just hit myself too hard

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TW: mentions of r-pe, bl0od This is an analogy, don’t take it literally. So basically this is about situations where you over think and rip off the band aid. Forgive me that was another analogy.   Let me explain with a small example. Imagine there was a test tomorrow. You studied really hard, like you pulled an all-nighter for it. Later you find out the exam is very easy. Almost too easy. It’s not because you studied so well, because all your friends who didn’t study like you got the same marks as you.   So ya.   Searching metaphors in everything but in reality there is nothing interesting in it.   There are times in life when you put in a lot of efforts even when it’s not needed.       "The Absinthe Drinker" by Edgar Degas     Was it a mosquito? Or did I just hit myself too hard?   Was it a 6 feet deep pool? Or did I just drown in a pond?   Was it a heart break? Or did I just cry over a...

there's still time

  It reeks of sickness. Life and death seem to be the only choices one can make. Yes, some people choose death over dying for it’s faster. It’s mostly old people who have been confined to the beds, machines, needles, medicines that choose a straight line. There are still people who, even though being in the bleakest of lives choose to be hopeful and fight for their lives every single day. And then there are those, those who know when they’re going to die. Those whose death has given them a time, oh so limited too. Those who can’t just choose to die now but continue to die slowly until it’s time.   Maya is the last one. "In the movies, when the character has cancer" starts Maya hesitantly shifting her eyes from the doctor and her mom “their hair, it starts falling and stuff." feeling her brown hair, still growing, with her right hand,” why is mine ... still there?" "THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT TO ASK?" Maya’s mom screams echo in the hospital room. She stands b...

chapter 7 of i cant sing

 [before reading this, make sure you are upto date with the story line! if not, go read the earlier SIX chapters right here in my blog (for free!). click on the label "i cant sing" and everything you want is right there, in front of you <33 but ifyoure like me and want to be spoonfed although being an adult, here's the link .]   Nakshatra     What what what what whattttttt just happened???? Did Aditya just hold my hands OH MY GOSH.   I walk- no run to the classroom before it’s too late. Just when I enter the room, Srinivas sir comes from behind. Everyone stands up to greet him. I squirm to my desk. Amrutha says in a whisper, “Why’s your face all red?? Are you not well? Did you vomit?” before I say a word, sir hears her and says “Nakshatra, if you are not feeling fine, please go to the nurse and don’t disturb my class. Why is every good student binging me trouble today?” “I’m fine sir” I stand up and sit down immediately. “Who else was it sir?” chi...

a bit of an advice

  I sometimes imagine that if my future self would pop out of thin air and talk to me they'd say, "Live more, love more." Well, that's what I would say to my younger self. I may not be super old, but I sure existed for a bunch of years and lived a couple.   You know how life doesn't seem to "start" unless one day you way up with an existential crisis and realise you're a living being and not just some non player character in a stimulation. (That's a discussion for another day)   My point is that we all start one day. Some start early (pity you), and some start late. Some probably don't even start. And all of them have one thing in common. They all want to leave a mark on this planet or somewhere saying, "I was here."   And how do you do it? You live.   So the bit of advice I, as a living human, would give to all the existing beings is to live more and love a lot more.     So what would YOU say to your young...

If i can, i would

 I know I can’t sing But I would sing all the love songs for you. I know I can’t write But I would write a thousand poems about you. I know I can’t dance But I would dance till I die for you. I know I can’t draw But I would draw the world for you. I know I can’t bake  But I would bake the perfect cake for you. I know I can’t cook But I would make the perfect dish for you. I know I’m flawed But I’d try to become perfect for you. I know I can’t fight But I’d be the knight in the shining armour for you. I know I can’t cry But I would dry my eyes if I have to. I know I can’t have you now But I will try my best to move on from you. For me. 

minus 4 years till the end of the year

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A little background about the title, back in 2021 when I started this blog (on blogger), I was in the ‘apocalypse’ phase. It’s like the emo phase but make it zombie apocalypse. My best friend got me into this. I was super into movies and series with this theme. Conspiracy theories, if you may. I named my first December 30 th post as “ minus 1 year till the end of the day ” and did the same for 2 more years and here we are.   Trail Of Thoughts- 37 Sto-rini-  24 When I think back on this year, 2024, I’m not going back enough and all I can think of is the stu-dying part. In my defense, I had tons of exams and only studying for the past 8 months. Vigorously for the past couple. I don’t really see anything more positive than studying in a yellow painted walls windows locked room. Here’s a picture from when it rained a lot and it cleared the atmosphere and I could see actual colours other than black scribbles on white for the first time in a few months . September 19 th , 202...

uninterested

  I click not interested for all the love posts on instagram Because I don’t think love exists like that   I don’t want stuff you can see I need the love that one can feel   I want the kind of love that starts with friends And our death is where it ends.   I want the kind of love That makes me the happiest in the world   I want the kind of love Helps me calm down   The kind of love That tells me to self love   The kind of love Till death do us apart   The kind of love That doesn’t kill each other   The kind of love That I would look forward to   The kind of love That I’ve always dreamt of.   I want the kind of love That makes me appreciate love. Helps me love love. Helps me cry happy tears. Helps me feel. Helps me conceal the fear. Keeps the skies clear.   2-9-24   Weathers the storms in my mind When I feel my worst When I feel like nothing...