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watch you

By Rini -
  I watch you fall in love While I save myself. Its heart wrenching To see someone waiting And you know you won’t Take them to their home.   I am not sure if I want you To fall for me Because it feels nice To be admired.   But then again, I can’t Torture you with The pain that comes with love.   The pain that comes with loving And not being loved back.   I read the books that Explain all sorts of Loves and their paybacks But never experienced one.   I watch you cry for me While I smile without glee. I’m not sure what to do Except to say I told you so.   I watch you break for me But I’m not the glue you need.   I watch you become a hero But I’m not you’re heroine.   I watch you become the devil for me But I’m not the angel in the sky flying.                                          I wish I could tell you that But I don’t want to shatter that heart.   But I need to put it out there Before you’re more hur
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glimpse of us

By Rini -
5th july, 2022  “But sometimes, when I look in her eyes, that’s where I find A glimpse of us”   But why is that the glimpse of us Is painted in red but not of love   Almost as if we were Never meant to be together   Like a boomerang You came back my life   But I was still bruised by the Love you gave me before   I guess the glimpse of us That you saw in my eyes Told you to forget us And go back to you and me   The picture in red All over my head Never showed a Tint of rose   Roses are red And so is blood Pink meant love And red always hatred   Cuz every time when you look in my eyes You see a glimpse of the picture Painted in red Separating you and I   It was never us Always us Fighting for love Something we never had For each other, oh   I called you my home And you did the same But it was just a door To the unrequited love.   The glimpse of us That I once saw in your eyes Was probably a li
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chapter 5 of 'i cant sing'

By Rini -
before diving into this, make sure youre upto date with the story!! check out the first 4 chapters (i called them episodes before) by clicking on this link :  i cant sing okaaay lets begin!! . “What are you giggling about, N?” he says to me in a dramatically villainy voice but with a whiff of goofiness. It’s Madhan. Our drums guy. What do they call them? Yes, drummer.  “You’re too young to understand my humour M” I say with a smug. “GOD IT’S JUST 1 MONTH. You’re older by one month N; you make it seem like a whole year.” He says pouting. Madhan literally looks like a teddy bear. He is not very scrawny and not very round. He is a perfect blend of muscle and fat. He has a charming smile and eyes to die for, my friend’s words, not mine. Unlike Aditya who is the heartthrob of many, Madhan is actually residing in all the girls’ hearts. He has an easy going personality and eyes that always search for mischief. On the stage he is a completely different person. If Aditya and I didn’t exchange t
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regret #2

By Rini -
  I love my wife a lot. I love her so much and I make sure to be a green flag as they say on the Internet and tell her that every day, every hour.  We are high school sweethearts; years have gone by and she aged like a fine wine. Her eyes shine like golden apple under the sunlight (my only reason to go with her on morning walks). She has really pretty curly hair flowing down her shoulders; she braids it but I love it more when she lets the breeze play with her locks. “You should have children; they complete your life and marriage” say our relatives. She completes me and I her, I think to myself inside while smile awkwardly out. As for our marriage, we tried but later discovered she had ovarian cancer and had to let the baggage be taken away, metaphorically and literally. Since then we stopped dreaming about little humans in our sweet home. Sometimes we feel lonely but we feel better as we hear are next door neighbor fail miserably at pacifying her 3 month old.  I love my wife so much.
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regret #1

By Rini -
Diary entry “Never end a conversation on a bad note” I see this quote everyday in some sorts of ways. In many stories the ending is the same tragedy, the other person dies. And the guilt and regret eats the surviving person alive.  Survivor’s guilt, they call it. But I was not even in the same car when this happened. Today is Sunday, a bright day. But my plan for today doesn’t include a minute of ‘bathing in the autumn sun’ or ‘ruffling in the park’ or even ‘looking out the window daydreaming’. I am strictly busy. I have exams and I cannot afford to slip any minutes now. “Your marks are in your hands. All the time. Our job is done and the rest 80% is yours to be done” the words of my statistics teacher echoes in my head. My brain is filling with dopamine, I love studying. It’s great about it people don’t get it. You learn new things and they test you on it. What’s so worrisome about it?  It is so ironic that I think this yet I still have my heart palpitating at my study schedule. It’s
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episode 4 of "i can't sing"

By Rini -
 i called them episodes in the first place and now i can't take it back. before reading this, you have to go read the first three episodes, you can find them on my blog label "i can't sing"!! here's the link.  i cant sing     Uma found me walking to school and decided to join me as a good friend. Only I was sad that I wished it was someone else. You know what; I am not going to think about him for a while now. I have a friend right beside me who is happy to see me just like you when you see him - shut up brain!! I need to learn how to be a good friend. I should talk to her and give her good company. You can’t deny it- ahhh .   “Soo, I think you liked the poem from last week, huh?” Uma was THE happiest when she read the love poems I showed. There are more in wip that they don’t know about. Her reactions to my poems were what kept me on the ship while his were crashing me from all directions. No I will not think about him. When she saw my broken face, she
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Garden of love

By Rini -
   Would be nice to read with “ Birds of a feather ” by Billie Eilish.     Just when my flowers bloomed You decide to question my growth, Leading to my eternal doom Break my hope and heart both.   Right person wrong time. Never hated the fine line Between stranger and lover, Anymore than I do now.   What if I assure of my love? Would you be willing to love My flowers and their bloom, Without letting them doom?   Would loving you be a regret? I would rather be your friend. But I guess we will forget If we let go of our safety net.   But my heart wouldn’t listen to my brain, When it says let him go. My heart would rather wait in the rain, Than leave my flowers wither in vain.   Sunshine and water, I need for my flowers To grow and bloom Over the fence of our home.   But all I see Is grass not green, But sky so dark Glooming with clouds.   The garden of love Is now watered with my tears Tears of love, Now leaving my heart.   The black stormy clouds Surrounding my house, Destroying every b
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