An Orange Cloud

Sometimes I wish that I can just lay on my bed, cry about all my problems, right from the beginning like when my dad tricked me into eating my jalebi when I was like 3 to the unhappened future events like being on my deathbed with my husband on my side in the hospital bed weeping as I take my last breath. I like doing that.   The misery I don’t despise.   That feeling of melancholy that brings me closer to the box I filled with emotions and shut close could be days ago, or even years in the past. That feeling of being wrapped around with a warm heavy blanket even on a sunny day with fan on full speed and AC on blast.   Sometimes I wish to take comfort in the sadness that washes over me due to a tiny conflict.     I wish to be covered with dark grey clouds ready to storm all over my mind.   I wish to stay in a dark blue walled hotel room, with paintings of pretty little flowers not yet ready to bloom, with waterfalls, not so glory when lo...

  TW: depressing.     Maybe we were never supposed to be Meant to be   The gods are getting angry, twas Never meant to be   Life is getting shorter each day Never meant to be   The curse is getting stronger dusk to dawn Never meant to be   Darling your hand is getting warmer Never meant to be   The stars in the sky seem brighter Never meant to be   The distance is getting closer Never meant to be   The world is getting darker Never meant to be   The lights are getting dimmer Never meant to be   My eyes are all dried up Never meant to be   My skin is getting paler Never meant to be   There’s a mushroom of smoke outside Never meant to be   The air is getting toxic Never meant to be   The world is getting crueler Never meant to be   The greed is spreading Never meant to be   The universe is screaming it is...

   Missing things in the way I wanna go back and relive them T rail Of Thoughts- 39 Sto-Rini-27   The other day in work, (during break time- if anyone from my work is reading) my senior was playing video games. And I, who can’t keep her eyes to herself, was watching the game play. He was playing India free fire-something, not sure. That reminded me of the time when I used to play pubg with my brother back in 2020. I told my senior the story where when my brother and i were on a jeep in the game, I accidentally threw the gr4nede on us and killed us both in that round. (Idk why my brother was reluctant playing with me after that, smh)    Anyways, that story caught his attention and I asked him if he plays gta-vice city. That game has been in my home computer for as long as I can remember. I think I remember installing it but I’m not sure, memory’s fuzzy. I was getting excited and was about to ask him about a mission in the game and he goes, “I know what you’re tal...

 Heyyyoo. The other day I was doom-scrolling on reels (routine reveal) and I noticed a reel about our solar system. Precisely about how the Pluto was not stable and drifting away but the Neptune’s resonance kept Pluto close. It was simply beautiful. The edit especially was what left me speechless but filled me with words not even seconds later. I went to my notes app and started typing while singing in to my empty room with glued on glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling.  Here’s the poem. . I’m blue but my heart is not I’m cold but my feelings are not . She's faaar away, but not for long When she comes closer I would keep her close For i can't be cold and loved. . She showed me warmth, When i was shoved to the end. She showed me happiness when not alone, And i have her warm memories till my end. . Life is short, she's shorter My heart beats faster with her . I loved the poem. Then I was back on my business and continued doom-scrolling when a reel from the same page showed u...

 On the Livingstone estate, flies were sometimes the first indication that someone had d1ed. “ It was a beautiful morning today. Well not the most beautiful but, it was the gothic type beautiful. Something straight out of a horror movie. I watch a lot of horror movies and every day I wake up and look out the window to see if the day was like today. It was cloudy, misty. I heard the rain the whole night. It was cats and gods one minute and would go complete lofi the next second. The frequency and the time interval were unpredictable. There was also a phase where the rain was close to what I like it as: thunders and lightning. Those really add to the effect of what I’m doing. Remember when I told you I love horror movies? Well, guess what, I’m also a m-rderer. People who k1ll people don’t do journals for a reason. Hmm you know why right? But today I started this journal because I have no fear of getting caught. That is because it’s my last murder and the victim IS the murder. If you ...

Did you ever get the feeling when you’ve been working towards something for a few years and when you finally get to do it first-hand, you hate it?   That was me when I did my first practical training.     Sto-rini- 26     Hey everyone, I’m Rini. If you are someone from my real/internet life, you’ll know what course I’m studying as my career right now. You will know if you’re reading my blog and paying a little attention towards the about section of the blog.   If I may answer the question from above: yes, I got that feeling. Literally my first day of training. I hated it. I regretted my life’s decision, I regretted not following what I’m actually passionate about, literature. Instead, I took this safe option, which doesn’t seem so safe anymore.   It was 5 days ago; I took my seat before the computer with my senior explaining what is to be done and my fellow-student jotting it down on his new notepad, while I was nodding to her i...

  Chapter 10     Nakshatra     Fool by Frankie cosmos has been in my head the whole day today. I’ll remember to listen to it.   When I was a kid, we used to move a lot. I studied in a different school almost every year and sometimes more than one in the same year. That was very messy. I asked my parents many times. They never gave me a straight answer about why we kept moving. So I stopped asking. Asking them. Now, I ask myself.   I love interviewing myself, it’s really fun! As a single child, my evenings were really boring for a few hours on a stretch. My parents believed in a zero screen-time policy so I spent my leisure time writing, drawing, dancing, and occasionally interviewing myself.   I have been asking myself questions for a few years now- weird, out-of-pocket street interview questions that have a niche 500 word answer that I laugh at while or after finishing.   That’s not the point. The point is there i...